SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HUMOR The Unidentified Funny Objects series delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! * A long time ago in a galaxy close enough not to violate any copyrights, the clone army fighting for the side of the evil empire is made up of a bunch of bros named Chad. * Can a couple of wise guys from New Jersey broker a sit down between two groups of warring aliens? * Witness an epic battle of mad science vs. dark magic. * US presidents elected in 1860 and 1960 were both assassinated. What's going to happen to whoever's elected in 2060? * Beware the dragon polite enough to return your drone after it breached the barriers between worlds and bonked him on the snout.

Seventeen of the funniest science fiction stories published in the past decade (2005-2015), featuring alien invasions, global conspiracies, time travel and even animal uprisings. Fiction by Hugo and Nebula award winners and nominees as well as talented newcomers. Stories were selected by the Unidentified Funny Objects series curator Alex Shvartsman.

The fourth volume of the annual Unidentified Funny Objects series features the theme of dark humor. What happens when you ask some of the genre's masters to interpret this theme? The enclosed twenty-three darkly humorous tales range from black comedy to biting satire to morbid irony and everything in between. Inside this book you'll find Faustian bargains gone awry, time-traveling ghosts, flawed supervillains, talking hamsters, and much more. Featuring stories by: George R. R. Martin Neil Gaiman Andrew Kaye Caroline M. Yoachim Esther Friesner Brent C. Smith Laura Pearlman Tim Pratt Piers Anthony Ian Creasey Oliver Buckram Anaea Lay Karen Haber Eric Kaplan Jody Lynn Nye Tina Gower Zach Shephard Mike Resnick James Aquilone Michael J. Martinez Tina Connolly Gini Koch Jonathan Ems

Fed up with the lack of diversity in her small town and her peers' inclination to credit everything she does well to her Asian heritage, Chloe bonds with a new Korean-American teacher who invites her to explore her family history, with unexpected res

TOP AUTHORS POKE FUN AND PAY TRIBUTE TO H.P. LOVECRAFT'S CTHULHU MYTHOS. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Cthul. Cthul who? Exactly! I've come to tickle your funnybone. Oh, and also to eat your soul. In 1928, Weird Tales debuted “The Call of Cthulhu” by H.P. Lovecraft, and the Cthulhu Mythos was born. In the 90 years since, dozens of writers have dared play within HPL’s mind-blowing creation—but never with such terrifyingly funny results. Now top authors lampoon, parody, and subvert Lovecraft’s Mythos. See Cthulhu cut short his nap at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean to invade North Korea! Watch the Unspeakable Eater of Souls solve crimes on the pulpy streets of Innsmouth! And speaking of largish Elder Gods, listen to a plastic Elvis doll dispense folksy advice straight from the heart of the Emperor of Dread! Again Ol’ Tentacle-Face is confronted by frail humans who dare defy the Incarnation of Ultimate Evil—but this time not by brave monster hunters and terrified villagers, but by fan fiction writers, clueless college students, and corporate lawyers (okay, we realize it’s hard to know who to root for in that confrontation). Twenty-three mirthful manifestations within the Cthulhu Mythos from best-selling and award-winning authors Neil Gaiman, Mike Resnick, Esther Friesner, Ken Liu, Jody Lynn Nye, Laura Resnick, Nick Mamatas, and many more! Guaranteed to leave you howling. Because if you look at it just right, there’s nothing funnier than a soul writhing in cosmic horror before a tentacled maw of malevolence. As HPL himself saith: “From even the greatest of horrors irony is seldom absent.” Praise for the Unidentified Funny Objects anthologies, edited by Alex Shvartsman: “This book is a delight. There are a lot of giggles here, and every now and then you’ll laugh your head off. This is a hoot from start to finish.”—Galaxy’s Edge “Shvartsman delivers a wonderful anthology and if you want to broaden your humorous SFF reading, Unidentified Funny Objects is a great place to start.”— A Fantastical Librarian Praise for Alex Shvartsman: “Shvartsman is an entertaining writer who can take on many voices and make them his.” –Locus “Alex Shvartsman’s comedy is bright and direct with clever dialogue of both the inner and outer sort.”—Tangent Online Complete Contributor List: Neil Gaiman Jody Lynn Nye Mike Resnick Ken Liu Nick Mamatas Esther Friesner David Vaughan Kevin Wetmore Shaenon K. Garrity Brian Trent Alex Shvartsman Rachael Klahn Jones Yvonne Navarro Scott Huggins Gini Koch Aidan Doyle Konstantine Paradias Amanda Helms Laura Resnick Matt Mikalatos Laura Pearlman Lucy A. Snyder Original stories by David Vaughan, Jody Lynn Nye, Mike Resnick, Brian Trent, Yvonne Navarro, G. Scott Huggins, Gini Koch, Aidan Doyle, Amanda Helms, Laura Resnick, Laura Pearlman, Lucy Snyder, and Nick Mamatas. Reprints by Esther Friesener, Kevin Wetmore, Shaenon K. Garrity, Alex Shvatsman, Ken Liu, Rachael K. Jones, Neil Gaiman, Konstantine Paradias, and Matt Mikalatos. **

29 hilarious science fiction & fantasy stories from some of today's best speculative writers. Inside you'll find: - A zombear - Tweeting aliens - Down-on-their-luck vampires - Time-twisting belly dancers - Moon Nazis - Stoned computers - Omnivorous sex-maniac pandas - and a spell-casting Albert Einstein

SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HUMOR * Cranky Goblin Cooks * Unscrupulous Chemists * Lecherous Space Pirates * Disagreeable Alien Symbiotes * Soul-Searching Snot Elementals The Unidentified Funny Objects series serves an annual dose of funny. zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! Our sixth volume features a Mad Amos story by Alan Dean Foster, a Harry the Book tale by Mike Resnick, and an Alexander Outland short by Gini Koch. Jim Hines reimagines a Game of Thrones with goblins in it, Ken Liu begs a sentient AI to spare him, and Esther Friesner takes us on a tour of Chelm, complete with dragons and gratuitous footnotes. There are also tales of an interdimensional secret agent, a warrior-writer on a quest from an evil god, a necromancer intent on rehabilitating the image of his profession, and many more. TABLE OF CONTENTS Foreword by Alex Shvartsman “A Game of Goblins” by Jim C. Hines “The Breakdown of Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy “From This She Makes a Living?” by Esther Friesner “Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About My Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly “Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change” by Zach Shephard “Agent of Chaos” by Jack Campbell “Display of Affection” by P. J. Sambeaux “The Great Manhattan Eat-Off” by Mike Resnick “An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Watt-Evans “Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye “A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk into a Bar” by Alan Dean Foster “Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick “A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris “Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead “The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos “An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth” by Ken Liu “Approved Expense” by David Vierling “Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch “Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde “Impress Me, Then We’ll Talk About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova (translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)

SCIENCE FICTION. FANTASY. HUMOR. This is the third annual volume of Unidentified Funny Objects and it contains twenty-three humorous short stories from some of the genre's best-known authors, as well as talented up-and-comers. These are some of the unlikely characters you will encounter in the pages of this book: * Hobo Satan * Vampire novelist * Traveling robot salesman * Brain-in-a-jar superhero * Jinn trapped in a mattress

The Dresden Files meets American Gods in New York City. What would you do if you lost everything that mattered to you, as well as all means to protect yourself and others, but still had to save the day? Conrad Brent is about to find out. Conrad Brent protects the people of Brooklyn from monsters and magical threats. The snarky, wisecracking guardian also has a dangerous secret: he's one in a million - literally. Magical ability comes to about one in every 30,000 and can manifest at any age. Conrad is rarer than this, however. He's a middling, one of the half-gifted and totally despised. Most of the gifted community feels that middlings should be instantly killed. The few who don't flat out hate them still aren't excited to be around middlings. Meaning Conrad can't tell anyone, not even his best friends, what he really is. Conrad hides in plain sight by being a part of the volunteer Watch, those magically gifted who protect their cities from dangerous, arcane threats. And, to pay the bills, Conrad moonlights as a private detective and monster hunter for the gifted community. Which helps him keep up his personal fiction - that he's a magical version of Batman. Conrad does both jobs thanks to charms, artifacts, and his wits, along with copious amounts of coffee. But little does he know that events are about to change his life...forever. When Conrad discovers the Traveling Fair auction house has another middling who's just manifested her so-called powers on the auction block, he's determined to save her, regardless of risk. But what he finds out while doing so is even worse - the winning bidder works for a company that's just created the most dangerous chemical weapon to ever hit the magical community. Before Conrad can convince anyone at the Watch of the danger, he's exposed for what he really is. Now, stripped of rank, magical objects, friends and allies, Conrad has to try to save the world with only his wits. Thankfully though, no one's taken away his coffee.