From Mallory Ortberg comes a collection of darkly mischievous stories based on classic fairy tales. Adapted from the beloved "Children's Stories Made Horrific" series, "The Merry Spinster" takes up the trademark wit that endeared Ortberg to readers of both The Toast and the best-selling debut Texts From Jane Eyre. The feature has become among the most popular on the site, with each entry bringing in tens of thousands of views, as the stories proved a perfect vehicle for Ortberg's eye for deconstruction and destabilization. Sinister and inviting, familiar and alien all at the same time, The Merry Spinster updates traditional children's stories and fairy tales with elements of psychological horror, emotional clarity, and a keen sense of feminist mischief. Readers of The Toast will instantly recognize Ortberg's boisterous good humor and uber-nerd swagger: those new to Ortberg's oeuvre will delight in this collection's unique spin on fiction, where something a bit mischievous and unsettling is always at work just beneath the surface. Unfalteringly faithful to its beloved source material, The Merry Spinster also illuminates the unsuspected, and frequently, alarming emotional complexities at play in the stories we tell ourselves, and each other, as we tuck ourselves in for the night. Bed time will never be the same.

“One of our smartest, most inventive humor writers, Ortberg combines bathos and the devotional into a revelation.” —Jordy Rosenberg, The New York Times Book Review From the New York Times bestselling author of Texts From Jane Eyre and Merry Spinster, writer of Slate’s “Dear Prudence” column, and cofounder of The Toast comes a hilarious and stirring collection of essays and cultural observations spanning pop culture—from the endearingly popular to the staggeringly obscure. Daniel M. Lavery is known for blending genres, forms, and sources to develop fascinating new hybrids—from lyric rants to horror recipes to pornographic scripture. In his most personal work to date, he turns his attention to the essay, offering vigorous and laugh-out-loud funny accounts of both popular and highbrow culture while mixing in meditations on gender transition, family dynamics, and the many meanings of faith. From a thoughtful analysis of the beauty of William Shatner to a sinister reimagining of HGTV’s House Hunters, and featuring figures as varied as Anne of Green Gables, Columbo, Nora Ephron, Apollo, and the cast of Mean Girls, Something That May Shock and Discredit You is a hilarious and emotionally exhilarating compendium that combines personal history with cultural history to make you see yourself and those around you entirely anew. It further establishes Lavery as one of the most innovative and engaging voices of his generation—and it may just change the way you think about Lord Byron forever.

Christmas is here, and Elinor Asheley's entire family has gathered at their country estate to celebrate. But when her arch nemesis arrives at the estate by chance, warm wishes and the holiday spirit are the last things on her mind. Elinor is determined to protect her family from him no matter how changed he claims to be. When the winter weather strands Hugh Sterling at the estate of the woman who hates him most in the world, his only wish is to escape the place unscathed. He is not the man he once was, and he will do everything he can to prove that to Elinor. But nothing can prepare him for the changes that spending his holiday with her will bring.

Mallory Ortberg presents... Texts from Jane Eyre is a whimsical collection of sharp, satirical and side-splittingly funny text message conversations from your favourite literary characters. Of course if Scarlett O'Hara had an unlimited data plan, she'd be sexting Ashley Wilkes at all hours; and if Mr Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ARDENT MISSIVES would be in ALL-CAPS; and Daisy Buchanan would text you from behind the wheel - and then text you to come pick her up after the car crash. Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, original and very clever kind of mashup that brings your favourite authors and literary characters right into the twenty-first century. Mallory Ortberg is a genius.

The Spinster next door... Grace Morledge is a failure. Or so her father believes, as she is unmarried despite her many advantages. In his mind, Grace must have significant flaws to be a spinster, and something must be done about them. To her mortification, he demands she be fully examined and all her flaws recorded. And the man he chooses is the worst possible candidate of all. Aubrey Flint, Lord Ingram, has known Grace since childhood, but he never anticipated Lord Trenwick demand he examine her for flaws. How can perfection have faults? Reluctantly, he accepts the assignment and finds far more than he bargained for, as perfection becomes more and more tempting.

When a man loves a spinster... Charlotte Wright has had enough. All of her friends have now married, leaving her the lone writer of the Spinster Chronicles who is still a true spinster. So she's decided it is time for her to join the ranks and get married, groom to be determined. She's an heiress, after all. How difficult could it be to find a husband? Michael Sandford has been there by Charlotte's side from the very beginning, loving her all the while even when she turned down his proposal. When she tells him of her plans to marry and marry soon, he begins to make plans himself. He cannot stand by and watch her marry someone else, so he's decided to distance himself from Charlotte entirely while she hunts for a husband... one that is not him. And Charlotte doesn't like that one bit.

Poor, unfortunate Spinster... Prudence Westfall, spinster, has unexpectedly had the greatest misfortune of all: she has inherited a fortune, and is now an heiress. But as a Spinster, and a stammering shy one, nothing could be worse than having a bevy of suitors pay her attention. Opportunity strikes at a house party when the most unlikely person offers the perfect solution. Camden Vale is no gentleman, and he's not prone to saving anyone, but something about Prue changes all that. When his offer to befriend her extends beyond the house party, and his feelings extend beyond expectation, no one is more surprised than he. Except, perhaps, for the other Spinsters, and they have much to say on the subject.

'Dark and dreadful and persistently clever. Ortberg bloodily turns familiar tales inside out.' Rainbow Rowell 'A collection of stories delectable, formidable, and nimble. As a fantasist and short story writer, Ortberg is without peer.' Kelly Link 'Ortberg has a voracious appetite for poison apples, and a genius for finding the places in fairyland where all the bodies are buried. The Merry Spinster will ruin your most-loved fables, in the best possible way.' Charlie Jane Anders 'Ortberg has the sloe gin wit of Dorothy Parker and the soul of a Classics nerd. It's like both of them sat next to each other in The Merry Spinster and gossiped away. The result is an absolute delight.' John Scalzi 'Ortberg has created a Frankenstein's monster of familiar narratives . . . [that swings] between Terry Pratchett's satirical jocularity and Angela Carter's sinister, shrewd storytelling, and the result is gorgeous, unsettling, splenic, cruel, and wickedly smart. I've never read anything quite like them, and I bet, Dear Reader, that you haven't either.' Carmen Maria Machado A collection of darkly mischievous stories based on classic fairy tales. Sinister and inviting, familiar and alien all at the same time, The Merry Spinster updates traditional children's stories and fairy tales with elements of psychological horror, emotional clarity, and a keen sense of feminist mischief. Unfalteringly faithful to its beloved source material, The Merry Spinster also illuminates the unsuspected, and frequently alarming, emotional complexities at play in the stories we tell ourselves and each other as we tuck ourselves in for the night. Bed time will never be the same.