This compendium offers every excuse for every occasion, such as: It was the alien experiment. I haven't been the same since Elvis died. My inner child made me do it. All excuses are illustrated.

This one-of-a-kind book contains 120 excuses for not exercising and reasons why each is invalid. Packed with current, valuable information on exercise theory, Excuses will captivate the reader with humor, illustrations, and an eye-catching graphic design.

Everyone's favourite yellow sponge has an excuse for everything!

Rhyming text explains the need for please and thank you and other examples of good manners.

Why Do All the Nice Girls End Up Getting Kidnapped and Held for Ransom? In this book, YOU, the reader, are a thirtysomething part-time actor/full-time waiter suddenly caught up in a kidnapping. Julia, the girl you went out with last night, has been TAKEN HOSTAGE. What will you do? Will you go to the police and ask for help? Will you burst into the hideout, killing everyone in sight, then tell Julia that she shouldn't misinterpret this as some sort of big commitment? Or will you unplug your phone and just get really, really drunk? The choice is yours! You awake to the sound of the phone ringing. "Hello?" You hear a man's voice. It is muffled. "We've got Julia." "Wait, what do you mean?" "We have kidnapped your girlfriend. If you ever want to see her again---" "Whoa, she's not my girlfriend," you say. "I just met her. I mean, I had a good time with her and all, but I wanna take it slow with this one, I think." "We understand," the voice says. "But she's new to the city, and presently, you're all she has. Give us fifty thousand dollars by tomorrow or we'll blow her head off." If you want to go and ask your parents if you can borrow fifty thousand dollars, go to page 173. If you want to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, consider getting back together with her, then think better of it, go to page 183. BE VERY CAREFUL! You're directing the story and the CHOICES you make can result in MURDER, GRADUATE SCHOOL ENROLLMENT, TORTURE, MARRIAGE, POST-APOCALYPTIC SLAVERY, UNWANTED PREGNANCY, even TEMPING! It's YOUR STORY and YOUR LIFE. All you've got to do is decide which page you want to turn to. JUST MAKE A CHOICE!

When a young girl tries to read surrounded by elephants, lions, monkeys and zebras, she is surprised, scared, and amused. When the animals want to read, the tables are turned. A fun-filled picture book that will earn giggles and laughs from children of all ages.

Are you eating and don't know why? Do you feel that food, not you, is in control of your life? If you are searching for a 'take it or leave it' attitude toward food and want to stop the strangle hold that food has on your life, then this book is for you. Every Excuse in the Book: All the Reasons You Can't Stop Eating Long Enough to Lose Weight is an interactive workbook designed to help you identify the true causes of your compulsive eating, which later result in weight and body image issues. By focusing on the triggers that cause you to eat, it gets to the root problem-things like depression, boredom, anxiety, and unattainable goals-helping you to acknowledge these factors and deal with them head on. Every Excuse in the Book is a quick and applicable read that gives you more than just ways to find out why you're stuffing your face. It provides honest insight and solutions to help you finally quit making excuses and stop eating long enough to lose weight.

A hilarious guide to the intricate rituals, customs, and etiquette surrounding death in the South-and a practical collection of recipes for the final send-off. As author Gayden Metcalfe asserts, people in the Delta have a strong sense of community, and being dead is no impediment to belonging to it. Down south, they don't forget you when you've up and died-they may even like you better and visit you more often! But just as there is an appropriate way to live your life in the South, there is an equally essentially tasteful way of departing it-and the funeral is the final social event of your existence so it must be handled flawlessly. Metcalfe portrays this slice of American culture from the manners, customs, and the tomato aspic with mayonnaise that characterize the Delta way of death. Southerners love to swap tales, and Gayden Metcalfe, native of Greenville, MS, founder of the Greenville Arts Council and chairman of the St. James Episcopal Church Bazaar, is steeped in the stories and traditions of this rich region. She reminisces about the prominent family that drank too much and got the munchies the night before the big event-and left not a crumb for the funeral (Naturally some early rising, quick-witted ladies from the church saved the day, so the story demonstrates some solutions to potential entertaining disasters!). Then there was the lady who allocated money to have "Home on the Range" sung at the service, and the family that insisted on a portrait of their mother in her casket, only to refuse to pay for it on the grounds that "Mama looks so sad." Each chapter ends with an authentic southern recipe that will come in handy if you "plan to die tastefully", including Boiled Bourbon Custard; Aunt Hebe's Coconut Cake; Pickled Shrimp; Homemade Mayonnaise; and Homemade Rolls.

Need to weasel your way out of blame? Or explain some strange behaviour? This is the book for you - for every type of situation, here are excuses from the historical to the hysterical.

In his debut book, Sebastian K. Young shares a compelling story of tragedy, trials, and triumph in a way that rallies readers to assess the way they navigate the curves of life. I Had Every Excuse to Fail, but I Chose None discusses how a mother's murder, a grandfather's love, and life lessons can encourage readers young and old to refuse to succumb to life's adversities. Separated info three sections, "Growing Up," "Life Lessons," and "Forward Thinking," the book systematically progresses through the various trials Sebastian experienced at the early age of two and how he resolved to turn pain into motivation. The book shares the witty relationship-based anecdotes of his grandfather, and the business savvy chess game approach that he uses to strategically forge through life today.