Something Has to Change… You can’t put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit. For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to: · identify damaging behaviors · gain the skills to respond wisely · promote healthy change · stay safe · understand when, why, and even how to leave · recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future. “Women in an emotionally abusive marriage do not need another book on how to have a good marriage; those books rub salt in raw wounds. No, they desperately need this book so that they can diagnose just how bad their marriage is and then, with Leslie’s clear expertise, develop a plan that will either begin to turn their marriage around...or give them a wise route of escape.” —Dee Brestin, author of Idol Lies and The Friendships of Women

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to: Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt Confront and speak truth when the timing is right Determine when to keep trying, when to get out Get safe and stay safe Build an identity in Christ This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God's perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Experience the Blessings of an Imperfect Marriage. We all–at one time or another–have the opportunity to act right when our spouse acts wrong. There are no perfect marriages or perfect spouses. We know that having a good marriage requires effort and hard work. Yet we often don’t know how to continue to love when we are angry, hurt, scared, or just plain irritated. Nor are we sure what that kind of love is supposed to look like. Should we be patient? Forgive and forget? Do something else entirely? Acting right when your spouse acts wrong will not necessarily guarantee a more satisfying marital relationship, nor will it automatically make your spouse change his or her ways–although both could occur. It will, however, help you see how God is stretching you in the midst of your marital difficulties, teach you to respond wisely when wronged, and lead you into a deeper relationship with Christ as you yield your will to his plan for your life and learn to be more like him.

You Can Love God and Still Get a Divorce. And get this, God will still love you. Really. Are you in a destructive marriage? One of emotional, physical, or verbal abuse? Infidelity? Neglect? If yes, you know you need to escape, but you're probably worried about going against God's will. I have good news for you. You might need to divorce to save your life and sanity. And God is right beside you. In "The Life-Saving Divorce" You'll Learn: - How to know if you should stay or if you should go.- The four key Bible verses that support divorce for infidelity, neglect, and physical and/or emotional abuse. - Twenty-seven myths about divorce that aren't true for many Christians. - Why a divorce is likely the absolute best thing for your children. - How to deal with friends and family who disapprove of divorce. - How to find safe friends and churches after a divorce. Can you find happiness after leaving your destructive marriage? Absolutely yes! You can get your life back and flourish more than you thought possible. Are you ready? Then let's go. It's time to be free. This book includes multiple first-person interviews. Explains psychological abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, Christian divorce and remarriage, children and divorce, domestic violence, parental alienation, mental abuse, and biblical reasons for divorce. Includes diagrams such as the Duluth Wheel of Power and Control (the Duluth Model) and the Abuse Cycle, as well as graphs based on Paul Amato's 2003 study analyzing Judith Wallerstein's book, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. Includes quotes by Leslie Vernick, Lundy Bancroft, Shannon Thomas, David Instone-Brewer, Natalie Hoffman, LifeWay Research, Kathleen Reay, Gottman Institute, Glenda Riley, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Steven Stosny, Michal Gilad, Leonie Westenberg, Nancy Nason-Clark, Julie Owens, Marg Mowczko, Justin Holcomb, Barna Group, Justin Lehmiller, Alan Hawkins, Brian Willoughby, William Doherty, Brad Wright, Bradford Wilcox, Sheila Gregoire, E Mavis Hetherington, John Kelly, Betsey Stevenson, Justin Wolfers, Norm Wright, Virginia Rutter, Judith Herman, and Bessel van der Kolk. Recommended reading list includes: Henry Cloud, John Townsend Boundaries books, Richard Warshack books.

You Know It in Your Head. Now, Let It Live in Your Heart. Despite the abundant availability of both self-help books and Bible study materials, many of us find it difficult to apply what we learn, to make that long head-to-heart journey of change. When we are faced with life’s daily trials, our responses often lack the Christian maturity we desire–showing us clearly just how far we have to go. Is it possible to achieve a deeper, more permanent change of heart? Discover the Principle that Could Transform Your Life. Now, through one practical, simple-to-understand and easy-to-remember model, you can: • Gain a new perspective on the troubles God allows in your life. • Come to better understand your response to those trials. • Discover the underlying idols that hamper your efforts to change. • Learn how to discern the truth of God’s Word. • Develop the heart response that will draw you closer to God. Come on a journey of personal growth and spiritual discovery as your heart is drawn back to a central tenet of the Gospel: Truth isn’t something you learn, but Someone you know. And the Truth will set you free.

One out of three married women sitting in an average conservative Christian church is in a confusing and painful marriage relationship. Those women believe they are alone. I want them to know they aren't. They believe they can't find peace. I want them to know they can. They believe they don't have choices. I want them to know they do.This book isn't for the parents who raised them. It's not for the pastors who condemn them. It's not for the friends who don't understand them. And it's not for the partner who dehumanizes them. This book is for the woman in the pew who somehow, by God's divine intervention, finds it in her hand and has to catch her breath because she suddenly feels like she's free falling.I wrote this book just for you. Let's dig in.

Counselor and author Leslie Vernick has discovered that many people pray, “Lord, I just want to be happy!” With candor, Leslie reveals that readers don’t need new circumstances but a new perspective to discover true happiness. With biblical insight, Leslie guides readers to take simple steps as they... recognize and change habits that, day by day, keep them from experiencing happiness make good choices and learn from mistakes without beating themselves up develop the skills that enable them to let go of negative and painful emotions more quickly transform difficult circumstances so they can live with gratitude, joy, and purpose Application questions help readers work godly thinking, as well as healthy skills and habits, into their lives and hearts. They’ll discover that, even if nothing changes in their circumstances, their inner chains can be broken and they can go free...into a new path of real hope and happiness.

"Leslie Vernick is a wise counselor... She is an experienced and thorough trainer who shares clearly and practically the necessary steps for getting into shape spiritually, emotionally, and physically in order to contend with depression. This is a wonderful, comprehensive guide..." --Cynthia Heald, international speaker and author One in five women will experience clinical depression in her lifetime. Christian counselor and author Leslie Vernick offers words of hope and encouragement as she helps women understand the symptoms of depression, what causes depression, and what steps they can take to get better and grow stronger. Employing godly wisdom and surprising insights, Leslie shares on vital topics, such as these: Depression is revealing something about you. Listen to it. Growth takes time and practice. Things are not hopeless; you are not helpless; and you are not worthless. Defeating Depression is a timely resource for women battling depression or for family and friends who love them and want to understand what they are going through. Formerly titled Getting Over the Blues

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for theemotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offersstep-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping bothvictims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful andtraumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individualsand for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotionalabuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotionalabuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showingeach party what emotional abuse is, how it affects therelationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamicrelationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp thetools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abusethem emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves isphenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form ofabuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world'sleading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to doabout it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that youmight be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both youand your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book isfor you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how toidentify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of yourbehavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps toheal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow youand your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst ineach other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to helpthemselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stopabusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expertguidance and support you need.

This fifteenth anniversary edition helps couples identify and overcome the most common habits that destroy the feeling of love.