This book employs research in social, personality, and evolutionary psychology to explain and offer treatment approaches for individuals and couples suffering from infidelity.

An affair is a major crisis in your relationship, but one which you can survive. For some couples, once an infidelity and its after effects are behind them, the marriage is actually stronger than before. For others, coming to terms with what the affair was really about can enable a couple to break up with less anger and create a settlement that will offer their children the best hope for a healthy adjustment after the divorce. Infidelity is a step-by-step guide that will help you cope with the emotional impact of an affair and either choose to break up or begin to build a new model for your marriage.

One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it. You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.” Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.

The new edition of this highly-regarded book includes comprehensive discussion of the nature of an affair and the five types of affairs and their underlying dynamics. The author addresses issues regarding revealing the affair, management of the consequences, rebuilding, and treating an unmarried third party, as well as the host of complex issues regarding children and custody arrangements. New material for the second edition includes cybersex and the effects of new technology on fidelity in marriage; the effects of managed care on treatment; marriage to the third party; and a new chapter on affairs and violence.

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

One of the New York Times’s 100 Best Books of the 21st Century Winner of the 2006 Orange Prize for Fiction, another bestselling masterwork from the celebrated author of Swing Time and White Teeth "In this sharp, engaging satire, beauty's only skin-deep, but funny cuts to the bone." —Kirkus Reviews Having hit bestseller lists from the New York Times to the San Francisco Chronicle, this wise, hilarious novel reminds us why Zadie Smith has rocketed to literary stardom. On Beauty is the story of an interracial family living in the university town of Wellington, Massachusetts, whose misadventures in the culture wars—on both sides of the Atlantic—serve to skewer everything from family life to political correctness to the combustive collision between the personal and the political. Full of dead-on wit and relentlessly funny, this tour de force confirms Zadie Smith's reputation as a major literary talent.

Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing rate of infidelity. This title teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong relationship.

Infidelity is one of the leading presenting problems for couples entering counseling.

When it comes to adultery, never say, “It won’t happen to me.” Just when you think your marriage is safe from adultery is when you may be the most vulnerable. With eye-opening stories, clinical insights, and up-to-date data, Dave Carder reveals what adulterers learned the hard way—and what they want the rest of us to know to save us the pain. Dave Carder, counselor and author of the bestselling Torn Asunder (100,000 in print), is a sought-after expert on issues of adultery. Here he helps you make your marriage adultery-proof by showing you: How attractions can lead to affairs Ways you may be vulnerable to affairs The common ingredients of adultery How to restore intimacy to your marriage How to make wise, protective decisions Marriage is too sacred to be taken casually. Affairs are a very real threat, and they can destroy lives and families. For this reason, Anatomy of an Affair should be on every church leader’s and marriage counselor’s required reading list, and in the home of every married couple. Includes charts and assessments to understand and guard against affairs. This book is the revised edition of Close Calls (2008)

The Startling Truth Behind Love, Lust, and Infidelity At long last, we have a book about affairs that is not about blame. Sexual Detours offers an illuminating-and powerful-portrait of the human psyche that sheds light on the hidden dark recesses of the world of infidelity. Its striking and metaphorical language unravels the secrets behind affairs. This book is for anyone who has ever been enchanted and beguiled by the idea of a romance; entangled in a clandestine relationship; devastated by betrayal; recovering from loss; or even simply hoping to find love and happiness. In short, everyone. We've all thought about having an affair. Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with that special person . . . right next door . . . in the other office . . . or just around the corner? We all crave ecstasy, obsession, excitement, and romance. And we all find intimacy and elusive chimera slipping from our grasp. Sometimes, we look for solace in the arms of a lover and seek a romantic exit on the highway of our lives as we struggle with our dreams and wishes, fears and realities. With insight and sensitivity, Dr. Holly Hein leads us on a voyage of discovery that explores the true meaning behind our sexual detours. She shows us why we do it. How we do it. And what to do about it. Dr. Hein clarifies that an affair reveals more about our selves than about our sex lives; it is more about the chemistry of escape than about sexual lightening. And, ultimately, an affair is more about the betrayal of the self than it is about breaking marriage vows. Every affair has a cover story and carries a secret message written in code-it is as unique as a fingerprint. Dr. Hein explains how to decipher the hidden code and to interpret the true message behind the cover story, repairing the cables of communication and translating the language of the inner world. Vivid case histories illustrate how unrecognized, unexpressed needs often surface in disguise, leading us to take flight and reject what our partner symbolizes as we seek escape in the fantasy of a tryst. Dr. Hein illustrates how an affair conceals the real issues-showing us how to recognize this-and tells us what steps to take in order to have more rewarding intimate relationships. Sexual Detours is a beacon to all who have been touched by the anguish, denial, resentment, guilt, and shame of an affair, encouraging us to emerge from the pain of infidelity and create a self-awareness that will forge the bonds of a lasting intimacy.