The creme de la crud of screen history "War! War! That's all you think of, Dick Plantagenet! You burner! You pillager!" --Virginia Mayo as Lady Edith to George Sanders in King Richard and the Crusaders (1954) "Visits? That would indicate visitors." --Army captain learning of alien visits in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) "When I'm sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people." --Hero to heroine in The Slime People (1962) "Suck the coffin mushroom now." --The Ultimate Vampire (1991) "This is bad." --Leonardo DiCaprio as the you-know-what hits the you-know-what in Titanic (1997)

Like many ambitious New York City teenagers, Craig Gilner sees entry into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School as the ticket to his future. Determined to succeed at life—which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job—Craig studies night and day to ace the entrance exam, and does. That's when things start to get crazy. At his new school, Craig realizes that he isn't brilliant compared to the other kids; he's just average, and maybe not even that. He soon sees his once-perfect future crumbling away.

Written with all the scathing dark humor that is a hallmark of BoJack Horseman, Raphael Bob-Waksberg delivers a fabulously off-beat collection of short stories about love—the best and worst thing in the universe. Featuring: • A young engaged couple forced to deal with interfering relatives dictating the appropriate number of ritual goat sacrifices for their wedding. • A pair of lonely commuters who ride the subway in silence, forever, eternally failing to make that longed-for contact. • A struggling employee at a theme park of U.S. presidents who discovers that love can’t be genetically modified. And fifteen more tales of humor, romance, whimsy, cultural commentary, and crushing emotional vulnerability.

Pulled from the hit film that made a hero out of a tetherball-loving guy with glasses and stellar dance moves, the words, phrases, and speeches in Napoleon Dynamite: The Complete Quote Book capture the hilarious dialogue that worked its way into the hearts and mouths of millions of fans. Quirky, comical, and yet somehow perfect for any situation, the lines included here are sure to inspire exasperated sighs, bizarre conversations, and awkward exchanges in homes, high schools, and workplaces across the country. Sweet.

Cast size: medium.

Steve Martin has been an international star for over thirty years. Here, for the first time, he looks back to the beginning of his career and charmingly evokes the young man he once was. Born in Texas but raised in California, Steve was seduced early by the comedy shows that played on the radio when the family travelled back and forth to visit relatives. When Disneyland opened just a couple of miles away from home, an enchanted Steve was given his first chance to learn magic and entertain an audience. He describes how he noted the reaction to each joke in a ledger - 'big laugh' or 'quiet' - and assiduously studied the acts of colleagues, stealing jokes when needed. With superb detail, Steve recreates the world of small, dark clubs and the fear and exhilaration of standing in the spotlight. While a philosophy student at UCLA, he worked hard at local clubs honing his comedy and slowly attracting a following until he was picked up to write for TV. From here on, Steve Martin became an acclaimed comedian, packing out venues nationwide. One night, however, he noticed empty seats and realised he had 'reached the top of the rollercoaster'. BORN STANDING UP is a funny and riveting chronicle of how Steve Martin became the comedy genius we now know and is also a fascinating portrait of an era.

James George Janos describes his experiences in the Navy SEALs, the professional wrestling career that made him "Jessie the Body" Ventura, and his first year as governor of Minnesota.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “Driving, wild and hilarious” (The Washington Post), here is the incredible “memoir” of the legendary actor, gambler, raconteur, and Saturday Night Live veteran. When Norm Macdonald, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time, was approached to write a celebrity memoir, he flatly refused, calling the genre “one step below instruction manuals.” Norm then promptly took a two-year hiatus from stand-up comedy to live on a farm in northern Canada. When he emerged he had under his arm a manuscript, a genre-smashing book about comedy, tragedy, love, loss, war, and redemption. When asked if this was the celebrity memoir, Norm replied, “Call it anything you damn like.”

A collection of inspirations for the uninspired, this work offers an antidote to the meaningful muses of the New Age. Designed for the natural born cynic, it contains thoughts on children, literature and losing your keys.

This is a reissue of the novel inspired by Hunter S. Thompson's ether-fuelled, savage journey to the heart of the American Dream: We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold... And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas.