Is there a better phrase to start a story than "No Shit, There I Was..."? If you hear someone start with that phrase, you know it's going to be worth listening carefully. That's how all the craziest - and most interesting - stories start. And then we turned a bunch of speculative fiction authors loose on that phrase.

When Samantha Watson walked into The Bank of England and inherited six million dollars she had no idea that she would fall in love with the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes. Nor did she have the slightest inkling she would be drawn into a sinister world of vampires and evil.

Outrageous, sometimes irreverent, but always entertaining tales of outdoor gonzo so adventure-packed and hyperbolic that they could rarely be completely believed.

Is there a better way to start a story than"No sh!t, there I was..."?If you hear that phrase, perk up, because you know you're in for a heck of a tale. That's how all the craziest - and most interesting - stories start.And then we told a bunch of authors to make sure thier stories started with that very phraseGrab a pint of your favorite beverage and gather round. We've got two dozen stories here to horrify, amuse, and mystify, each with thier own illustration. Hard to believe, but no sh!t... there I was.

"Your life isn't over." My dad says this. "I mean, YOUR life isn't over. Beyond the kids. You'll go on living, doing things. This isn't it." I know, I assure him. I have the kids. They need me. They're my life now. "OK," he replies, then grunts—more of a brief hum. He only hums when he thinks I'm full of shit. Shockingly single. Amy Biancolli's life went off script more dramatically than most after her husband of twenty years jumped off the roof of a parking garage. Left with three children, a three-story house, and a pile of knotty psychological complications, Amy realizes the flooding dishwasher, dead car battery, rapidly growing lawn, basement sump pump, and broken doorknob aren't going to fix themselves. She also realizes that "figuring shit out" means accepting the horrors that came her way, rolling with them, slogging through them, helping others through theirs, and working her way through life with love and laughter. Amy Biancolli is an author and journalist whose column appears in the Albany Times Union. Before that, Amy served as film critic for the Houston Chronicle where her reviews, published around the country, won her the 2007 Comment and Criticism Award from the Texas Associated Press Managing Editors Association. Biancolli is the author of House of Holy Fools: A Family Portrait in Six Cracked Parts, which earned her Albany Author of the Year. Amy lives in Albany, New York, with her three children.

The collection of life experiences enclosed herein are true incidents that I witnessed or actively participated in. In many of them, I narrowly evaded some dire consequences of military justice via avenues of quick thinking, slick talking, or just plain dumb luck! I discovered a couple of best kept secrets that helped me skate through these adventures. Those secrets being, know what is in the Bureau of Personnel manual; have a good understanding of the grievance procedures (under the right circumstances, an enlisted dude can put the Commanding Officer on report; but you had better do your homework!); and lastly, tie in with a mentor who will show you the "ropes" about the Navy! Now this is in no way a sailor's guide to misbehaving. It is simply a comical look at one sailor that may well have proven himself to be a "magnificent bastard" as he advanced from Seaman Recruit to Senior Chief!

This fun journal is a great way to relieve stress. As we go through life we realize that things are much simpler and more stress free when we just don't give a fuck and we don't let the little things in life bother us so we can focus on what's important. This write-in journal is 100 pages of blank lined paper for you to record your thoughts and ideas. It's a convenient 6" x 9" size so you can slip it easily into a purse or back pack and take it with you everywhere.