NEW YORK TIMES NOTABLE BOOK OF 2020! NPR BEST BOOK OF 2020 PEOPLE MAGAZINE TOP TEN BOOKS OF THE YEAR BOOKPAGE BEST BOOK OF 2020 GOOD HOUSEKEEPING BEST BOOK OF 2020 “A sensual and perceptive novel. . . . With humor and humanity, Miller resists the simple scorned-wife story and instead crafts a revelatory tale of the complexities—and the absurdities—of love, infidelity, and grief.” —O, the Oprah Magazine A brilliantly insightful novel, engrossing and haunting, about marriage, love, family, happiness and sorrow, from New York Times bestselling author Sue Miller. Graham and Annie have been married for nearly thirty years. Their seemingly effortless devotion has long been the envy of their circle of friends and acquaintances. By all appearances, they are a golden couple. Graham is a bookseller, a big, gregarious man with large appetites—curious, eager to please, a lover of life, and the convivial host of frequent, lively parties at his and Annie’s comfortable house in Cambridge. Annie, more reserved and introspective, is a photographer. She is about to have her first gallery show after a six-year lull and is worried that the best years of her career may be behind her. They have two adult children; Lucas, Graham’s son with his first wife, Frieda, works in New York. Annie and Graham’s daughter, Sarah, lives in San Francisco. Though Frieda is an integral part of this far-flung, loving family, Annie feels confident in the knowledge that she is Graham’s last and greatest love. When Graham suddenly dies—this man whose enormous presence has seemed to dominate their lives together—Annie is lost. What is the point of going on, she wonders, without him? Then, while she is still mourning Graham intensely, she discovers a ruinous secret, one that will spiral her into darkness and force her to question whether she ever truly knew the man who loved her.

Whether straight or gay, most men start their relationships desiring monogamy. This is rooted in the pervasive notion that monogamy exists as a sign of true love. Yet despite this deeply held cultural ideal, cheating remains rampant. In this accessible book, Eric Anderson investigates why 78% of men he interviewed have cheated despite their desire not to. Combining 120 interviews with research from the fields of sociology, biology, and psychology, Anderson identifies cheating as a product of wanting emotional passion for one's partner, along with a steadily growing desire for emotionally-detached recreational sex with others. Anderson coins the term "the monogamy gap" to describe this phenomenon. Anderson suggests that monogamy is an irrational ideal because it fails to fulfil a lifetime of sexual desires. Cheating therefore becomes the rational response to an irrational situation. The Monogamy Gap draws on a range of concepts, theories, and disciplines to highlight the biological compulsion of our sexual urges, the social construction of the monogamous ideal, and the devastating chasm that lies between them. Whether single or married, monogamous or open, straight or gay, readers will find The Monogamy Gap to be an enlightening, intellectually compelling, and provocative book.

This text provides a groundbreaking look at sexual instincts and offers a clinical psychologist's and sex therapist's insights and solutions to the challenges of monogamous relationships. Monogamous relationships are firmly embedded in the framework of our society, and yet the divorce rate and common failures of intimacy in long-term relationships challenges the efficacy of this paradigm. Oddly, the concept of monogamy has been virtually ignored by mental health professionals, while anthropologists, sociologists, biologists, and zoologists have researched and explored the topic. Monogamy: The Untold Story presents not only the scientific research about the challenges of monogamy, but also the practical solutions to overcome them. In part one, the author explores sexual instincts and monogamy from an anthropological, biological, psychological, and social perspective. Part two offers men and women a step-by-step guide to enhancing passion and strengthening their intimate bond by capitalizing on their natural sexual instincts.

Dr. Tammy Nelson is a relationship revolutionary. Her rethinking of monogamy—as a practice, a continuum, and a flexible concept—is on point, actionable, and nothing less than a significant cultural shift. —Wednesday Martin, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Primates of Park Avenue and Untrue Love is eternal—but in an age when we live longer, communicate differently, and value gender equality, is it any wonder so many people are looking for new ways to support lasting, loving partnerships? “Monogamy is no longer a simple concept,” says Dr. Tammy Nelson. “More couples every year are experimenting with open relationships and newer, more flexible versions of commitment ... yet few of us have been prepared with the skills we need to make those agreements work.” Open Monogamy is a practical guide for people who wish to explore new directions in their relationships—to bring in excitement, variety, and fresh experiences without sacrificing trust, security, and respect. Through solo and partner exercises and real-life stories from people across the spectrum of relationship styles, you’ll explore: • The changing face of relationships—why the time to explore new visions of love has arrived • Can open monogamy work for you? Self-assessment tools to find your place on the “monogamy continuum” • Essential skills for having honest conversations about attraction and desire • Exercises to remove shame and suspicion about open relationships • How to create agreements—traditional or otherwise—that are fulfilling, exhilarating, and built to last Dr. Nelson’s 30 years of experience as a relationship and sex therapist have shown her that relationships can flourish even when the old idea of monogamy fails. “You want to love each other with fairness and integrity because that’s what you signed up for, and honesty aligns with your shared values ... But you also want more. You want answers. The bad news? There is no one right way to do this. The good news? You can have anything you want.” If you’ve ever wondered how to try an open relationship or polyamory, Open Monogamy gives you the tools you need to create a commitment agreement as unique as your love.

From the initial stages of trying to agree who can do what with whom, through advanced issues such as coping with logistics and seeking compersion, every relationship sooner or later confronts jealousy – and some relationships do not survive the confrontation. Between these covers you will find forty-two exercises with supporting text, developed by a professional relationship counselor and refined by hundreds of clients trying to find their own paths through jealousy. They range from basic (Exercise Two, Clarify Your Relationship Orientation) through challenging (Exercise Thirty-Four, Imagine Looking Through Their Eyes and Being In Their Shoes). All can be done solo, with a partner, or under the supervision of a helping professional, and all can be done before a problem emerges or in the throes of a jealousy crisis. Along the way, you will find solutions to the issues that bedevil even the most happily open relationships.

Through an investigation of sexual interactions and relationship forms that include more than two people, from polyamory, to threesomes, to the complexity of the "down-low" Schippers explores the queer, feminist, and anti-racist potential of multipartnered sex and relationships

In Love and Freedom, Jorge Ferrer proposes a paradigm shift in how romantic relationships are conceptualized, a step forward in the evolution of modern relationships. In the same way that the transgender movement surmounted the gender binary, Ferrer defines how a parallel step can—and should—be taken with the relational style binary. This book offers the first systematic discussion of relationship modes beyond monogamy and polyamory, as well as introduces the notion of “relational freedom” as the capability to choose one’s relational style free from biological, psychological, and sociocultural conditionings. To achieve these goals, Ferrer first discusses a number of critical categories—specifically, monopride/polyphobia, and polypride/monophobia—that mediate the contemporary “mono–poly wars,” that is, the predicament of mutual competition among monogamists and polyamorists. The ideological nature of these “mono–poly wars” is demonstrated through a review of available empirical literature on the psychological health and relationship quality of monogamous and polyamorous individuals and couples. Then, after showing how monogamy and polyamory ultimately reinforce each other, Ferrer articulates three relational pathways to living in-between, through, and beyond the mono/poly binary: fluidity, hybridity, and transcendence. Moving beyond that binary opens a fuzzy, liminal, and multivocal relational space that Ferrer calls novogamy. In this groundbreaking book, readers will learn practical tools to not only transform jealousy, but also enhance their relational freedom while being aware of key issues of diversity and social justice. They will also learn novel criteria to evaluate the success of their intimate relationships, and be introduced to a transformed vision of romantic love beyond both monocentrism and emerging polynormativities.

A provocative collection of meditations on coupledom and its discontents that is "playful, brilliant ... profound ... keeps us faithful to the last page" (The New York Observer)—from the witty psychoanalyst and author of On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored. Adam Phillips manages to unsettle one of our most dearly held ideals, that of the monogamous couple, by speculating upon the impulses that most threaten it—boredom, desire, and the tempting idea that erotic fulfillment might lie elsewhere. With 121 brilliant aphorisms, the witty, erudite psychoanalyst who gave us On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored distills the urgent questions and knotty paradoxes behind our mating impulse, and reveals the centrality of monogamy to our notions of marriage, family, the self—in fact, to everything that matters. The only truly monogamous relationship is the one we have with ourselves. Every marriage is a blind date that makes you wonder what the alternatives are to a blind date. There's nothing more scandalous than a happy marriage.

In Undoing Monogamy Angela Willey offers a radically interdisciplinary exploration of the concept of monogamy in U.S. science and culture, propelled by queer feminist desires for new modes of conceptualization and new forms of belonging. She approaches the politics and materiality of monogamy as intertwined with one another such that disciplinary ways of knowing themselves become an object of critical inquiry. Refusing to answer the naturalization of monogamy with a naturalization of nonmonogamy, Willey demands a critical reorientation toward the monogamy question in the natural sciences, social sciences, and humanities. The book examines colonial sexual science, monogamous voles, polyamory, and the work of Alison Bechdel and Audre Lorde to show how challenging the lens through which human nature is seen as monogamous or nonmonogamous forces us to reconsider our investments in coupling and in disciplinary notions of biological bodies.

With their trademark insight, humor, and candid personal perspectives, Bill and Pam Farrel reveal the truths about the sexual relationship in marriage and what husbands and wives need to know to keep the embers burning. Sex is like fireworks!—why a little skill turns marriage into red-hot monogamy How sex works best emotionally, physically, and physiologically How to avoid the pleasure thieves that steal your chance for fulfillment The Farrels present difficult-to-discuss topics and biblical truths in universal language with sensitivity, fun, and understanding. For newlyweds, golden anniversary celebrants, and all couples in between—this book inspires the gift of romance and passion to fuel lives with love.