A penetrating analysis of the dark corners of human deception, enlivened by intriguing case histories and experiments.

"In The Lies We Tell Ourselves, psychotherapist Jon Frederickson reveals the ways we fool ourselves and how to get unstuck. Through dozens of stories and examples, he demonstrates that the apparent cause of our problems is almost never the real cause. In addition, he reveals what we really fear and how to face it. In the spirit of Stephen Grosz and Irving Yalom, Frederickson shows how to recognize the lies we tell ourselves and face the truths we have avoided--and stop saying yes when we really mean no."--Amazon.com.

Readers of Richard Dawkins and Steven Pinker will find much to intrigue them in this fascinating book, which declares that our extraordinary ability to deceive others - and even our selves - 'lies' at the heart of our humanity.

Includes questions for discussions and an excerpt from another novel.

A Behavioral Scientist Notable Book of 2021 A Next Big Idea Club Best Nonfiction of 2021 From the New York Times best-selling author and host of Hidden Brain comes a thought-provoking look at the role of self-deception in human flourishing. Self-deception does terrible harm to us, to our communities, and to the planet. But if it is so bad for us, why is it ubiquitous? In Useful Delusions, Shankar Vedantam and Bill Mesler argue that, paradoxically, self-deception can also play a vital role in our success and well-being. The lies we tell ourselves sustain our daily interactions with friends, lovers, and coworkers. They can explain why some people live longer than others, why some couples remain in love and others don’t, why some nations hold together while others splinter. Filled with powerful personal stories and drawing on new insights in psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy, Useful Delusions offers a fascinating tour of what it really means to be human.

Humans are excellent liars. We don't like to think of ourselves as capable of lying; it hurts us too much to admit. So we lie to ourselves about that, too. As a clinical psychologist, I am regularly confronted with the brutal truth that we all lie. I am not talking about deliberate, bold-faced lying. No, this type of dishonesty is far harder to detect and admit. It is the kind of lying that comes from not being psychologically strong enough to be honest with ourselves about who we are. And I believe that it is our biggest obstacle to living a fulfilling life. I wrote this book for anyone interested in becoming more honest. In it, I present a range of self-deceptive examples couched in psychological theory to help us explore ourselves. Although it is a relatively short book-indended to be read in about an hour-I hope that the content provokes deep thought. For only when are honest about who we really are do we have the opportunity to change.

Humans are excellent liars. We don’t like to think of ourselves as capable of lying; it hurts us too much to admit. So we lie to ourselves about that, too. As a clinical psychologist, I am regularly confronted with the brutal truth that we all lie. I am not talking about deliberate, bold-faced lying. No, this type of dishonesty is far harder to detect and admit. It is the kind of lying that comes from not being psychologically strong enough to be honest with ourselves about who we are. And I believe that it is our biggest obstacle to living a fulfilling life. I wrote this book for anyone interested in becoming more honest. In it, I present a range of self-deceptive examples couched in psychological theory to help us explore ourselves. Although it is a relatively short book, indented to be read in about an hour, I hope that the content provokes deep thought. For when we are honest about who we really are, we have the opportunity to change.

Although the capacity for self-awareness is an essential aspect of human nature, self-reflection comes at a high price. Self-awareness and its accompanying egoism profoundly affect people's lives, interfering with their success, polluting their relationships with other people, and undermining their happiness. Drawing from work in psychology and other behavioral sciences, in The Curse of the Self, Mark Leary explores personal and social problems that are created by the human capacity for self-reflection and offers insights regarding how these problems may be minimized.

In The Liar in Your Life, psychology professor Robert Feldman, one of the world's leading authorities on deception, draws on his immense body of knowledge to give fresh insights into how and why we lie, how our culture has become increasingly tolerant of deception, the cost it exacts on us, and what to do about it. His work is at once surprising and sobering, full of corrections for common myths and explanations of pervasive oversimplifications. Feldman examines marital infidelity, little white lies, career-driven resumé lies, and how we teach children to lie. Along the way, he reveals-despite our beliefs to the contrary- how it is nearly impossible to spot a liar (studies have shown no relationship between nervousness, lack of eye contact, or a trembling voice, and acts of deception). He also provides startling evidence of just how integral lying is to our culture; indeed, his research shows that two people, meeting for the first time, will lie to each other an average of three times in the first ten minutes of a conversation. Feldman uses this discussion of deception to explore ways we can cope with infidelity, betrayal, and mistrust, in our friends and family. He also describes the lies we tell ourselves: Sometimes, the liar in your life is the person you see in the mirror. With incisive clarity and wry wit, Feldman has written a truthful book for anyone who whose life has been touched by deception.

"I speak the truth, not so much as I would, but as much as I dare...."-- Montaigne "All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.'" -- Tennessee Williams Truth and deception--like good and evil--have long been viewed as diametrically opposed and unreconcilable. Yet, few people can honestly claim they never lie. In fact, deception is practiced habitually in day-to-day life--from the polite compliment that doesn't accurately relay one's true feelings, to self-deception about one's own motivations. What fuels the need for people to intricately construct lies and illusions about their own lives? If deceptions are unconscious, does it mean that we are not responsible for their consequences? Why does self-deception or the need for illusion make us feel uncomfortable? Taking into account the sheer ubiquity and ordinariness of deception, this interdisciplinary work moves away from the cut-and-dried notion of duplicity as evil and illuminates the ways in which deception can also be understood as a adaptive response to the demands of living with others. The book articulates the boundaries between unethical and adaptive deception demonstrating how some lies serve socially approved goals, while others provoke distrust and condemnation. Throughout, the volume focuses on the range of emotions--from feelings of shame, fear, or envy, to those of concern and compassion--that motivate our desire to deceive ourselves and others. Providing an interdisciplinary exploration of the widespread phenomenon of lying and deception, this volume promotes a more fully integrated understanding of how people function in their everyday lives. Case illustrations, humor and wit, concrete examples, and even a mock television sitcom script bring the ideas to life for clinical practitioners, behavioral scientists, and philosophers, and for students in these realms.