HEALTH WARNING: This parody is not for those who may be afflicted with thin skin syndrome or are inclined to irrational bouts of political correctness.Donald J. Trump's scorched-earth candidacy and gravity-defying ascendancy to the most powerful position on the planet shocked and dismayed the civilized world, almost certainly as much as it did him. Now, with the utter incompetence of his staff exposed by multiple scandals and controversy for the festering slime they are, do we really expect him to do anything but wallow in the sludge of the swamp he promised to drain? Goodnight Moron delivers an unflinchingly hard-yet-satirical punch as we reflect back on the first hundred - some would say worst hundred - days of what could possibly be the last American President (or first American shlyukha). Riffing off of the beloved and often-parodied children's bedtime classic, Goodnight Moon, by Margaret Wise Brown, Goodnight Moron offers light reading and biting illustrations on a dark and heavy subject. But be warned, for after the chuckles are gone (hopefully sooner rather than later), the nightmares will likely haunt us for years to come. Highly recommended with a warm glass of milk and the strongest sedative legally available. The paperback also makes a great gag gift for that bleeding heart liberal or raving conservative in your life. And be sure to look for the next D Trumple Thinskin title, The Very Angry Caterwauler, currently on pre-order at a special discounted price.

A rant-ish memoir by the veteran stand-up comedian and former cohost of That Metal Show, with a foreword by Jim Norton. Twitter Trolls. Facebook Freaks. Instagram Exhibitionists. These are just a few of the creatures our technology-obsessed culture has spawned in its quest to simplify our lives. The madness is so universal now that everyone has dealt with it. You log in to Facebook, read a stupid post, and immediately want to tell your "friend" to go have relations with himself. Sure, social media may keep us connected, but it is a breeding ground for idiots, and these idiots have crowd-sourced a storm of useless information, corny jokes, and douchebag drama that's wasting our time and screwing with our peace of mind. Thankfully, popular comedian and television host Jim Florentine has a solution for those of us on the verge of bashing our iPhones to bits. In Everybody Is Awful, Florentine attacks awful people and awful situations with the same biting satire and cringe-worthy humor that made him famous on television shows like Crank Yankers, Meet the Creeps, and That Metal Show. Along the way, Everybody Is Awful takes readers through the author's formative years, a time filled with rebellion and horrible behavior, to the crazy early days of his career as a stand-up comedian. Florentine also recounts how he developed an obsession with pranks that morphed into his uniquely vigilante style of comedy and made him one of the most legendary prank callers of all time. Florentine excels at channeling the core rage we all feel at the seemingly small annoyances of life, and his fans love the cathartic experience of his hilarious ranting and raving, a tradition continued in Everybody Is Awful. Acting as a de facto therapist, Florentine diagnoses awful behavior, shames awful people, and offers comedic takes on how to reclaim our lives from it all.

Have you ever tried to sustain a relationship with a twat? It's hard work and you need to be completely not a twat yourself if you want any success in this. Which is really hard when you've just started being a teenager. (As if growing up wasn't hard enough already...) I remember thinking if you were 'the chosen' one, why does that mean your dress sense has to be so shit? A celebration of teenage rebellion and resilience. Anoushka Warden's debut play was directed by Royal Court Artistic Director Vicky Featherstone and Jude Christian.

Goodnight Mysteries The Complete Series The Goodnight Mysteries series is the small-town mystery romance spinoff of the Matchmaker Mysteries. Goodnight…Sometimes sweet dreams end in murder. * Die Noon * Matilda Dare can’t sleep. Her insomnia is one more reason to move to the quirky small town of Goodnight, New Mexico after she inherits a house, a small newspaper, and two old dogs there. But despite the Goodnight name, Matilda still spends her nights wide awake, and she has good reason after a reporter is murdered. With a mystery to solve, she begins to investigate the town and uncovers more suspects than she knows what to do with. Meanwhile, the hottie cowboy sheriff is doing his own investigation into Matilda, and the mysterious, handsome stranger, who just happens to live with her, is showing up in all the wrong places. As her investigation continues, danger increases, and it might end up spelling lights out for Matilda. * A Doom with a View * Matilda Dare still can’t sleep. Since she’s arrived in Goodnight, New Mexico, she’s solved one murder and had more than one conversation with a dead woman. Obsessed with finding the woman’s killer, she has to put that on hold when her newspaper receives a mysterious, coded letter. When the author of the letter winds up dead, Matilda is thrust into a mystery that puts her new friends into danger. The hunky Sheriff Goodnight and Matilda’s hunky roommate Boone are along for the ride in this funny action adventure that might end up spelling lights out for Matilda. * Jurassic Dark * Matilda Dare might be in a new relationship, but she’s not sure. Ever since Boone kissed her, it’s been up in the air if they’re an item or not. Either way, she can’t focus on romance for very long because one of her best friends has been accused of murder, and Matilda is bound and determined to prove her innocence. Matilda and Boone find themselves on the trail of the real killer out in the wilds of New Mexico. But as they’re pursuing the killer, they’re being pursued as well. * Coal Miner's Daughter * Death is following Matilda, and it’s not going unnoticed in the small town of Goodnight, New Mexico. When she finds Inga Mueller, a local jewelry maker, drowned in a bucket of resin, Matilda’s reputation is sealed as the harbinger of death. As she begins to investigate Inga’s murder, she discovers Inga’s darker, secret life with ties to Goodnight’s prominent residents. In order to find the killer, Matilda must unlock the town’s secrets, and the town isn’t happy about it. As she follows the twists and turns of a mystery with a long reach, she’s making enemies and dodging a killer who wants to shut her up. * Wuthering Frights * Matilda Dare has a ring on her finger, a thriving business, a beautiful, historical home, two dogs, and an amazing group of friends. She should be happy. But her fiancé might be a serial killer, the sheriff’s dead wife is visiting her, and her husband has escaped from prison. All of that is throwing a wrench into Matilda’s celebrations. The FBI has left town, and the local sheriff is hiding away because he’s still in mourning over his wife, and now it’s up to Matilda to find the real serial killer, save the abducted girls, and find her own happy ending. “Elise Sax will win your heart.”—New York Times bestselling author Jill Shalvis * “Sax will make you laugh. Her larger-than-life characters jump off the page and make crazy seem like a fun place to hang out.”—New York Times bestselling author Christie Craig * “With quirky characters reminiscent of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series and a small-town heroine redolent of Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse” --RT Book Reviews “Fans of laugh-out-loud romantic suspense will enjoy this new author as she joins the ranks of Janet Evanovich, Katie MacAllister, and Jennifer Crusie.”—Booklist, on An Affair to Dismember “A lighthearted and amusing caper with a sexy side order of romance . . . Gladie is an endearing mess of a character, and the book is fast-paced and amusing, with a large cast of quirky, small-town characters.”—Kirkus Reviews, on Matchpoint * “There’s plenty for fans to enjoy in Sax’s third Matchmaker installment, complete with energetic narration, zany humor and a mystery that’s as engaging as the details of Gladie’s love life.”—RT Book Reviews, on Love Game

Jennifer Grant is the only child of Cary Grant, who was, and continues to be, the epitome of all that is elegant, sophisticated, and deft. Almost half a century after Cary Grant’s retirement from the screen, he remains the quintessential romantic comic movie star. He stopped making movies when his daughter was born so that he could be with her and raise her, which is just what he did. Good Stuff is an enchanting portrait of the profound and loving relationship between a daughter and her father, who just happens to be one of America’s most iconic male movie stars. Cary Grant’s own personal childhood archives were burned in World War I, and he took painstaking care to ensure that his daughter would have an accurate record of her early life. In Good Stuff, Jennifer Grant writes of their life together through her high school and college years until Grant’s death at the age of eighty-two. Cary Grant had a happy way of living, and he gave that to his daughter. He invented the phrase “good stuff” to mean happiness. For the last twenty years of his life, his daughter experienced the full vital passion of her father’s heart, and she now—delightfully—gives us a taste of it. She writes of the lessons he taught her; of the love he showed her; of his childhood as well as her own . . . Here are letters, notes, and funny cards written from father to daughter and those written from her to him . . . as well as bits of conversation between them (Cary Grant kept a tape recorder going for most of their time together). She writes of their life at 9966 Beverly Grove Drive, living in a farmhouse in the midst of Beverly Hills, playing, laughing, dining, and dancing through the thick and thin of Jennifer's growing up; the years of his work, his travels, his friendships with “old Hollywood royalty” (the Sinatras, the Pecks, the Poitiers, et al.) and with just plain-old royalty (the Rainiers) . . . We see Grant the playful dad; Grant the clown, sharing his gifts of laughter through his warm spirit; Grant teaching his daughter about life, about love, about boys, about manners and money, about acting and living. Cary Grant was given the indefinable incandescence of charm. He was a pip . . . Good Stuff captures his special quality. It gives us the magic of a father’s devotion (and goofball-ness) as it reveals a daughter’s special odyssey and education of loving, and being loved, by a dad who was Cary Grant.

"Nick Hornby meets Almost Famous in this side-splittingly funny coming-of-middle-age debut novel about the lead singer of a one-hit wonder 90s band who tries for one more swing at the fences"--

Cait Kingsley's wedding day is shattered when she learns two people she loves have betrayed her in the worst possible way. Only her beloved grandfather understands why she must leave Pueblo,Colorado and settle in New York. Cait finds employment at Vizar Investments, working for the owner's nephew, Daniel Michaux, a notorious womanizer. When Daniel is unsuccessful at seducing Cait, he savagely beats and rapes her while in a drunken rage. Lee Zachar is outraged by his nephew's brutality and insists Cait recuperate at his summer home in Maine. There, he awkwardly proposes marriage to the much younger woman he has come to love. Although Cait is decades Lee's junior, she accepts Lee's proposal, half loving him and wholly fascinated by his business acumen and old-world charm. Lee and Cait are married for five years when Lee dies. Although Cait insisted she not be mentioned in Lee's will, he provides for her in other ways. Cait now has enough money to return to Colorado in style to seek revenge but she must choose between getting even or marrying Paul, Lee's other nephew, a man she has been attracted to since the day they met.

The day of his thirty-ninth birthday, relationship counsellor Gus Adams was completely alone. He was supposed to have a birthday bash, surrounded by friends and coworkers, but everyone cancelled for this reason or that. Gus left with a silly Staples birthday banner and chilled champagne, sans company realized he had no one upon whom to depend, no one to love. With sudden determination, Gus decided to find love real, substantial love before his dreaded fortieth birthday. After all, he knows how to make a relationship work. He spent his career listening to other people talk about their relationships. He knew what worked and what didn't, but Gus hadn't been in a romantic relationship in over ten years, since a heartless vixen tossed him out on the metaphorical curb. A lot had changed over the past ten years; Gus placed all his conviction into fast-tracking his soul mate through the polished hands of a professional dating service. Soon, he'd be overwhelmed by free spirits who barely made it past date number one. Following forays into adultery, whip wielding seductresses, extortion, drinks spiked for male enhancement and a mandated admission to John School, Gus wondered if he'd ever make it to date number two.

I never met my great uncle. I really, only knew his name. His story begins for me with a box of letters and mementos saved by my great aunt. I always knew the box existed, but I had never opened it. My mother would often say, Oh, those letters are from Lowell during the war. They are so sad. Well, who would want to read anything that was sad? So, the story of Lowell Read and the true love that he had for my great aunt stayed packed away in a box for 65 years. My father and I came across the box during a spring cleaning frenzy and decided that it was time to read the letters and put them in some type of notebook to preserve them. Little did I know that I was about to become involved in the story of Lowell & Sue Reads life and unwavering love for each other. As I read each letter and placed them in order, I grew to know and admire both Lowell and Sue. There were other items in the box besides the letters. These items included a small Bible, a set of dog tags, a service medal, a shell bracelet, a small notebook, and numerous other articles. The letters shed light on all these other items and I realized that my great aunt had saved everything because of the special meaning that they held. Lowell ended almost every letter with the words, So, goodnight Dear and I do love you. I created this compilation to honor a man I never met and to preserve the memory of a love that never ended. I hope you enjoy reading his letters and getting to know him as much as I did.

Goodnight Mysteries: Book 1 - 3 The Goodnight Mysteries series is the small-town mystery romance spinoff of the Matchmaker Mysteries. Goodnight…Sometimes sweet dreams end in murder. * Die Noon * Matilda Dare can’t sleep. Her insomnia is one more reason to move to the quirky small town of Goodnight, New Mexico after she inherits a house, a small newspaper, and two old dogs there. But despite the Goodnight name, Matilda still spends her nights wide awake, and she has good reason after a reporter is murdered. With a mystery to solve, she begins to investigate the town and uncovers more suspects than she knows what to do with. Meanwhile, the hottie cowboy sheriff is doing his own investigation into Matilda, and the mysterious, handsome stranger, who just happens to live with her, is showing up in all the wrong places. As her investigation continues, danger increases, and it might end up spelling lights out for Matilda. * A Doom with a View * Matilda Dare still can’t sleep. Since she’s arrived in Goodnight, New Mexico, she’s solved one murder and had more than one conversation with a dead woman. Obsessed with finding the woman’s killer, she has to put that on hold when her newspaper receives a mysterious, coded letter. When the author of the letter winds up dead, Matilda is thrust into a mystery that puts her new friends into danger. The hunky Sheriff Goodnight and Matilda’s hunky roommate Boone are along for the ride in this funny action adventure that might end up spelling lights out for Matilda. * Jurassic Dark * Matilda Dare might be in a new relationship, but she’s not sure. Ever since Boone kissed her, it’s been up in the air if they’re an item or not. Either way, she can’t focus on romance for very long because one of her best friends has been accused of murder, and Matilda is bound and determined to prove her innocence. Matilda and Boone find themselves on the trail of the real killer out in the wilds of New Mexico. But as they’re pursuing the killer, they’re being pursued as well. * “Elise Sax will win your heart.”—New York Times bestselling author Jill Shalvis * “Sax will make you laugh. Her larger-than-life characters jump off the page and make crazy seem like a fun place to hang out.”—New York Times bestselling author Christie Craig * “With quirky characters reminiscent of Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series and a small-town heroine redolent of Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse” --RT Book Reviews “Fans of laugh-out-loud romantic suspense will enjoy this new author as she joins the ranks of Janet Evanovich, Katie MacAllister, and Jennifer Crusie.”—Booklist, on An Affair to Dismember “A lighthearted and amusing caper with a sexy side order of romance . . . Gladie is an endearing mess of a character, and the book is fast-paced and amusing, with a large cast of quirky, small-town characters.”—Kirkus Reviews, on Matchpoint * “There’s plenty for fans to enjoy in Sax’s third Matchmaker installment, complete with energetic narration, zany humor and a mystery that’s as engaging as the details of Gladie’s love life.”—RT Book Reviews, on Love Game