Are you searching for the perfect gag, baby shower gift? This is a joke book! Welcome to my essential dark humor guide for new parents: '101 Ways To Not Kill Your Baby'. Written by a comedian, this guide is packed with cautionary tales that highlight the potential dangers that babies can face, and practical advice on how to keep them safe. With a dark and humorous tone, the guide covers a range of scenarios that all parents should be aware of, such as hazards in construction zones, outdoor areas, and even at home with household pets. From protecting your baby from poisonous animals to keeping harmful substances out of reach, this guide covers all the essential tips and tricks to help you protect your little one.

The author and illustrator of the hilarious "Bigfoot: I Not Dead" and "Me Write Book" comes out of the woods and charges straight into the corporate jungle with this collection of deadly doodles.

Sit up straight so your tummy doesn't hang out. Thin is always in. You look so much prettier when you smile. Guys like girls with big boobs. Now that you've got your period, you's better be careful. I'd kill to have legs like yours. With negative messages bombarding our girls on a daily basis -- from misguided adults, from peers, from the media -- how can our daughters possibly feel good about their bodies? While you may not single-handedly be able to change society there are ways to make sure that your daughter's sense of self is strong and sustaining. In fact, this hands-on guide offers 101 ways! In 101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body, two mothers -- one a clinical psychologist, the other an award-winning journalist -- have teamed up to provide parents with practical ideas tailored to girls from birth through the teenage years. These initiatives inform parents and encourage them to take active roles in helping their daughters develop confidence, treat their bodies with love and respect, and make peace with their unique builds so that they can revel in a sense of femaleness and physical competence. Psychologically astute and fun to read, this proactive guide will help define a new generation of healthy girls. There's no better time than now to help our daughters, young and growing, learn to love their bodies.

Celebrated transsexual trailblazer Kate Bornstein has, with more humor and spunk than any other, ushered us into a world of limitless possibility through a daring re-envisionment of the gender system as we know it. Here, Bornstein bravely and wittily shares personal and unorthodox methods of survival in an often cruel world. A one-of-a-kind guide to staying alive outside the box, Hello, Cruel World is a much-needed unconventional approach to life for those who want to stay on the edge, but alive. Hello, Cruel World features a catalog of 101 alternatives to suicide that range from the playful (moisturize!), to the irreverent (shatter some family values), to the highly controversial. Designed to encourage readers to give themselves permission to unleash their hearts' harmless desires, the book has only one directive: "Don't be mean." It is this guiding principle that brings its reader on a self-validating journey, which forges wholly new paths toward a resounding decision to choose life. Tenderly intimate and unapologetically edgy, Kate Bornstein is the radical role model, the affectionate best friend, and the guiding mentor all in one.

One exasperated first-time mom's tale of navigating through the frightening and baffling ordeal of a modern pregnancy.

Imagine the look on your sister's face when they see you reading this book. If you're really looking for the top 10 ways to kill your sister, stop what you are doing and seek psychiatric help immediately! For the rest of you, bring some dark humor to your day! This book is all about the reaction you get when someone sees it sitting on your desk or if they witness you actually reading it! Take it on a trip. Chill out with it in the living room. There is a funny little story within the book, but that's secondary to the response you'll get when people catch a glimpse of you with this! Great for a practical joke or some light hearted black humor, this prank book will surely bring a demented smile to the faces of those who share the same morbid sense of humor as you. Also makes a great gag gift for a brother, sister, relatives or anyone who enjoys some sick death humor. Fun for the whole dysfunctional family!

"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.

We all have that one friend right? You know the one I'm talking about. The one who we know we hang around with because they are in the friendship group, but we would happily ditch at the first opportunity. And sometimes, they can be so irritating and annoying, we want to kill them.This is a creative guide to the some of the best and most obscure ways to rid yourself of your most annoying friends, and perhaps just die laughing in the process!

An illustrated guide to the best ways to rid society of the undead, this book takes a pop-culture bite out of the trend that just won't die. It doesn't take a lot of braaaaaaaiiiinnnns to recognize that society is feasting on zombie culture. This accessible, affordable, and Gorey-like (and gory) book showcases inventive methods to off everyone's favorite lovable, decaying undead. More sidesplitting than an evisceration, 101 Ways to Kill a Zombie will keep readers laughing throughout the upcoming apocalypse.

How do you get away with the murder of 11 million people? The answer is simple—and disturbing. You lie to them. Learn how you can become an informed, passionate citizen who demands honesty and integrity from your leaders. In this nonpartisan New York Times bestselling book, Andy Andrews emphasizes that seeking and discerning the truth is of critical importance, and that believing lies is the most dangerous thing you can do. You’ll be challenged to become a more careful student of the past, seeking accurate, factual accounts of events that illuminate choices our world faces now. By considering how the Nazi German regime was able to carry out over eleven million institutional killings between 1933 and 1945, Andrews advocates for an informed population that demands honesty and integrity from its leaders and from each other. This short, thought-provoking book poses questions like: What happens to a society in which truth is absent? How are we supposed to tell the difference between the “good guys" and the “bad guys”? How does the answer to this question affect our country, families, faith, and values? Does it matter that millions of ordinary citizens aren't participating in the decisions that shape the future of our country? Which is more dangerous: politicians with ill intent, or the too-trusting population that allows such people to lead them? This is a wake-up call: we must become informed, passionate citizens or suffer the consequences of our own ignorance and apathy. We can no longer measure a leader’s worth by the yardsticks provided by the left or the right. Instead, we must use an unchanging standard: the pure, unvarnished truth.