This little book doesn't merely poke fun at Sassenachs, Glaswegians, Aberdonians, Dundonians and Teeries. No, it manages to have a go at everyone. From kilts and haggis to whisky, footie and thriftiness, this hilarious collection of Scottish jokes is a Nevis of Laughs. XXXXXA Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand. The Scotsman shouts, "Awa ye eijit, can ye no tell that's a foo o coos keich?!" (Translated: Begone you idiot, can't you tell it's full of cow shit?!) The man shouts back, "I'm English. Speak English, I don't understand you!" To which the Scotsman wholeheartedly responds, "Use both hands, you'll get more in." XXXX Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous. At a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he slowly started to clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet... "Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!"

When the Scots tell a joke it's usually at their own expense. So this collection of gems pokes fun at just about everyone and everything from kilts and haggis through footie and thriftiness to Sassenachs, Teeries, and Glaswegians. Some of the jokes are old favourites retold, some are brand new, and some are a few specimens found on that internet thingy which have been massaged to make them almost funny.

With the Christmas season upon him, Detective Sergeant Bruce Robertson of Edinburgh's finest is gearing up socially—kicking things off with a week of sex and drugs in Amsterdam. There are some sizable flies in the ointment, though: a missing wife and child, a nagging cocaine habit, some painful below-the-belt eczema, and a string of demanding extramarital affairs. The last thing Robertson needs is a messy, racially fraught murder, even if it means overtime—and the opportunity to clinch the promotion he craves. Then there's that nutritionally demanding (and psychologically acute) intestinal parasite in his gut. Yes, things are going badly for this utterly corrupt tribune of the law, but in an Irvine Welsh novel nothing is ever so bad that it can't get a whole lot worse. . . .In Bruce Robertson Welsh has created one of the most compellingly misanthropic characters in contemporary fiction, in a dark and disturbing and often scabrously funny novel about the abuse of everything and everybody. "Welsh writes with a skill, wit and compassion that amounts to genius. He is the best thing that has happened to British writing in decades."—Sunday Times [London] "[O]ne of the most significant writers in Britain. He writes with style, imagination, wit, and force, and in a voice which those alienated by much current fiction clearly want to hear."—Times Literary Supplement "Welsh writes with such vile, relentless intensity that he makes Louis-Ferdinand Céline, the French master of defilement, look like Little Miss Muffet. "—Courtney Weaver, The New York Times Book Review "The corrupt Edinburgh cop-antihero of Irvine Welsh's best novel since Trainspotting is an addictive personality in another sense: so appallingly powerful is his character that it's hard to put the book down....[T]he rapid-fire rhythm and pungent dialect of the dialogue carry the reader relentlessly toward the literally filthy denouement. "—Village Voice Literary Supplement, "Our 25 Favorite Books of 1998" "Welsh excels at making his trash-spewing bluecoat peculiarly funny and vulnerable—and you will never think of the words 'Dame Judi Dench' in the same way ever again. [Grade:] A-. "—Charles Winecoff, Entertainment Weekly

Adrian Mole's first love, Pandora, has left him; a neighbor, Mr. Lucas, appears to be seducing his mother (and what does that mean for his father?); the BBC refuses to publish his poetry; and his dog swallowed the tree off the Christmas cake. "Why" indeed.

Quiet Emily's sociable and daring best friend, Sloane, has disappeared leaving nothing but a random list of bizarre tasks for her to complete. But with unexpected help from popular classmate Frank Porter, Emily gives them a tryNand has the most unexpected summer ever.

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Grace Burrowes delivers another passionate Regency romance... He left his bride to go to war... After years of soldiering, Michael Brodie returns to his Highland estate to find that the bride he left behind has become a stranger. Brenna is self-sufficient, competent, confident—and furious about Michael's prolonged absence. Now his most important battle will be for her heart Brenna is also hurt, bewildered, and tired of fighting for the respect of those around her. Michael left her when she needed him most, and then stayed away even after the war ended. Nonetheless, the young man who abandoned her has come home a wiser, more patient and honorable husband. But if she trusts Michael with the truths she's been guarding, he'll have to choose between his wife and everything else he holds dear. Captive Hearts series: The Captive (Book 1) The Traitor (Book 2) The Laird (Book 3) "Burrowes delivers powerful and moving romance." —RT Book Reviews Praise for The MacGregor's Lady: "Consistently excellent writing, deep and layered stories." —Publishers Weekly "Engaging, deliciously sensual, superbly written romance." —Library Journal "Absolutely enchanting." —Romance Junkies

Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey-Maturin tales are widely acknowledged to be the greatest series of historical novels ever written. Now these evocative stories are being re-issued in paperback by Harper Perennial with stunning new jackets.

Scottish Jokes takes an irreverent view of Scotland and the Scots, and pokes fun, in a light-hearted way, at a nation renowned for its sense of humour - because it is free!

A New York Times bestseller by Mark Helprin, author of Winter's Tale, which is now a major motion picture starring Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Russell Crowe, William Hurt, and Jennifer Connelly “Freddy and Fredericka is a vast, sprawling book of Homeric proportions and design in which Helprin exploits to the fullest his powers of invention as well as a lesser known talent for comedy.” —Bookreporter.com Mark Helprin’s legions of devoted readers cherish his timeless novels and short stories, which are uplifting in their conviction of the goodness and resilience of the human spirit. Freddy and Fredericka—a brilliantly refashioned fairy tale and a magnificently funny farce—only seems like a radical departure of form, for behind the laughter, Helprin speaks of leaps of faith and second chances, courage and the primacy of love. Helprin’s latest work, an extraordinarily funny allegory about a most peculiar British royal family, is immensely mocking of contemporary monarchy and yet deeply sympathetic to the individuals caught in its lonely absurdities.

The story of the loyalty of Bobby, a Skye Terrier.