"When Brian told me of his affair, my whole world was shattered. Since the affair, and since the difficult recovery period, I have excelled in amazing ways in every area of my life. I look and feel better than I did when I was in my twenties. I have more energy, more zeal and more enthusiasm for life. Since I have gotten over my insecurities, I experience far better relationships with my husband, children and others. I also have more fun. No matter what tragedies happen in our lives, we always have a choice, not a choice over what will happen to us, but a choice over how we will react to it. Will we become bitter or better? I chose to become better, and now my greatest tragedy has also become my greatest personal victory." – Anne Bercht "Would I want to go back to our marriage before the affair? Not a chance! Would I have liked to have gotten to this point some other way? Absolutely! Would I recommend an affair to others so they can reach a greater love and better marriage? Absolutely not! If you have experienced an affair, is rebuilding your marriage worth it? You bet it is! As long as you love each other and are willing to do the work." – Brian Bercht

Until now, couples facing the dilemma of deciding whether or not to stay in an unhappy marriage had three options: individual or couples therapy, separation, or divorce. Should I Stay or Go? provides these couples with a fourth option--the Controlled Separation (CS). CS is a compassionate process that is designed to build respect and foster advocacy between spouses. The book explains the CS guidelines, including the 12 fundamental issues that must be resolved for a workable, orderly separation. It also contains sample contracts, along with helpful checklists and self-assessment tools.

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

This is a true story that every husband and wife should read. Bob and Audrey Meisner had it all: a fruitful ministry, three beautiful children, a picture-perfect marriage. Their future seemed secure and their prospects bright-- until adultery threatened to bring it all crashing down. Faced with the greatest personal crisis of their lives, Bob and Audrey found hope and rescue through godly counsel an through learning the biblical principle of covering to protect their marriage and their family.

How can a marriage survive an affair? Infidelity is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and the wayward spouse. Once trust is broken, how can a couple ever hope to reconcile? In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers help you understand every aspect of infidelity--from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage. They describe: - why affairs begin and end - how to end an affair - how to restore the marriage - how to manage resentment and rebuild trust Surviving an Affair guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage. All questionnaires mentioned within this book are available in a fillable pdf format from the authors' websites identified on the last page.

"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships"--

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on. Here's advice not based on saving your relationship after infidelity—but saving your sanity. When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters—their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs. Combining solid advice that champions self-respect, along with hilarious cartoons satirizing the pomposity of cheaters, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life offers a fresh voice for chumps who want (and need) a new message about infidelity. This book will offer advice on Stupid sh*t cheaters say and how to respond, Rookie mistakes of the recently chumped and how to disarm your fears, Why chumps take the blame and how to protect yourself, and more. Full of snark, sass, and real wisdom about how to bounce back after the gut blow of betrayal, Schorn is the friend who guides you through this nightmare and gives you hope for a better life ahead.

This book has been replaced by Getting Past the Affair, Second Edition, ISBN 978-1-4625-4748-7.