Need to weasel your way out of blame? Or explain some strange behaviour? This is the book for you - for every type of situation, here are excuses from the historical to the hysterical.

Nobody ever said being an adult was easy. But it's easier with The Little Book of Big Excuses, with hundreds of excuses for things you did, things you didn't do, things you did wrong, and things you never want to hear about again. First things first: "Fake Don't Flake." In here are your excuses for being late for or not showing up to any number of places for any number of reasons--grandma's birthday party, work, home, weddings, dentists appointments. "Excusez-Moi, si'l vous plait" is where to look when you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or forget your boss's spouse's name--again. Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything. If you need to learn how to say "I'd Love to, but"--the art of articulating just why you can't do most anything you don't want to do--in any language, this is the book for you. Demonstrate your incompetence. When someone asks you to bring those complicated hors d'oeuvres, show up half an hour late with half the ingredients. Bonus section here: how to get someone else to do all the work while you still get the credit. "Delivery Subsystem Failure--Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!" Never, ever again will you want for an excuse for not writing, calling, IMing, or emailing. Fake communication breakdowns make fail-safe excuses for a myriad of don't wannas and didn't do its. "All's Fair in Love" contains excuses for not calling, not going on the second date, forgetting the birthday or anniversary of the one you love. Plus how to retreat with remorse, even from the altar steps. Hint: You could have your mother or your manager phone it in. That's what Julia Roberts did. * Hundreds of excuses for thousands of situations, plus "The Excuse Clinic: How to Make Lame Excuses Walk and Okay Excuses Sing." * Life is serious business, people, so pay attention. Let Addie help you off the hook.

Late for school? Didn't do your homework? Need a bigger allowance? Don't want to clean your room? Garfield helps children explain all this and more in the newest humor book staring America's favorite fat cat. BandW illustrations.

Military hero and beloved Dancing with the Stars alum Noah Galloway shares his life story, and how losing his arm and leg in combat forced him to relearn how to live--and live to the fullest. Inspirational, humorous, and thought provoking, Noah Galloway's LIVING WITH NO EXCUSES sheds light on his upbringing in rural Alabama, his military experience, and the battle he faced to overcome losing two limbs during Operation Iraqi Freedom. From reliving the early days of life to his acceptance of his "new normal" after losing his arm and leg in combat, Noah reveals his ambition to succeed against all odds. Noah's gripping story is a shining example that with laughter, and the right amount of perspective, you can tackle anything. Whether it be overcoming injury, conquering the Dancing with the Stars ballroom, or taking the next steps forward in life with his young family - Noah demonstrates how to live life to the fullest, with no excuses.

Everyone's favourite yellow sponge has an excuse for everything!

Tom Gates, master of excuses, expert doodler and hilarious story writer is back -- and making the most of his holiday! No school for two whole weeks leaves Tom with tons of time for the important things in life. He can forget all about school and the irritating Marcus Meldrew, and save his energy for the good stuff! Stuff like: inventing new ways to annoy his sister Delia (so many); band practice for the Dogzombies (rock stars in the making!); watching TV and eating caramel wafers; eating caramel wafers and watching TV. Excellent. Of course, he still has to do his book report for Mr. Keen... Full of Tom's honest, silly, laugh-out-loud funny scribbles and stories -- and a doodle-filled glossary to help Canadian kids make sense of British terms (what IS a caramel wafer, anyway?) -- this follow-up to the Roald Dahl Funny Prize winner The Brilliant World of Tom Gates is guaranteed to have readers in stitches!

Prepare yourself too chuckle, too weep, too celebrate, and ultimately discover inner courage, hope and faith, as you embark on this candid, powerful life altering journey with the author.

Includes sections on self-discipline and personal success; business, sales and finances; and the good life.

BUTS. We all have them. And we lug them around like a bag of bricks, building walls to keep away failure and hurt. \"But I'm too busy.\" \"But I'm unqualified.\" \"But what if I fail?\" Our But's have become TOO BIG and they're killing our success. We've become a society unable and unwilling to use our God-given talents to follow our dreams and true calling. But... there is good news. As senior pastor of one of the fastest growing churches in America, author Travis Hearn has watched people struggle against self-doubt, past failures, and unfair circumstances. Hearn shows that while we all face troubling times, our attitude dictates whether setbacks contribute to our larger BUTS, or if we will trust in the Lord and follow His plan for our lives. In Your But's Too Big, Hearn targets your excuses, using Scripture and biblical principles to strip your fears away. This book will help you trim down 10 of the biggest excuse-making Buts common to our culture today. Hearn provides practical and powerful inspiration and motivation to help whittle away those big buts and live a no-excuse life for Christ!