"In this complete update of the bestselling first edition, Joanne Kimes pairs no-holds-barred humor with helpful advice to get you through the next nine months with (some level of) your sanity intact."--P. [4] of cover.

Sleep on the couch to make room for her gigantic pregnancy pillow Pass up tickets to the game since you'd "rather" register for the baby shower Haven't had sex since there was snow on the ground (and it's July) It may not make you sound like future father of the year, but there's one thing men everywhere can agree on: Pregnancy Sucks—for you. In this complete update of the bestselling first edition, Joanne and Jeff Kimes pair no-holds-barred humor with helpful advice to make sure you actually live to see the birth of your child. So whether you're sick of putting your foot in your mouth when you're trying to compliment her, you want the real scoop on what's going to go down in the delivery room (without the hospital-issued video), or you really just want a laugh (since you "volunteered" to give up drinking for the interminable nine months of her pregnancy), this book will tell you exactly what to do when that miracle of yours is making you totally, completely, just-cut-the-freakin'-cord-already! miserable.

Pregnancy Sucks, by Joanne Kimes and Sanford A. Tisherman, M.D., gives you real solutions to all the annoying and somewhat awkward situations that can unexpectedly arise during your pregnancy. Did you know that: Farm-fresh butter, or petroleum jelly, works just as well for your itchy belly as a fancy and overpriced "pregnancy" product? If you're put on bedrest, walkie-talkies will allow you to yell at your husband-no matter where he is in the house! Surrounding yourself with regular pillows (don't forget to swipe your husband's) is just as good as buying a special large "pregnancy pillow"-and more adaptable to giving support where you personally need it? Doing the hokey pokey, or taking a warm shower, can ease Braxton Hicks contractions? Full of insight, hilarity, and practical solutions on every page, Pregnancy Sucks shows how, through it all, you can survive with your health, dignity, and sanity intact!

Sleep on the couch to make room for her gigantic pregnancy pillow Pass up tickets to the game since you'd "rather" register for the baby shower Haven't had sex since there was snow on the ground (and it's July) It may not make you sound like future father of the year, but there's one thing men everywhere can agree on: Pregnancy Sucks—for you. In this complete update of the bestselling first edition, Joanne and Jeff Kimes pair no-holds-barred humor with helpful advice to make sure you actually live to see the birth of your child. So whether you're sick of putting your foot in your mouth when you're trying to compliment her, you want the real scoop on what's going to go down in the delivery room (without the hospital-issued video), or you really just want a laugh (since you "volunteered" to give up drinking for the interminable nine months of her pregnancy), this book will tell you exactly what to do when that miracle of yours is making you totally, completely, just-cut-the-freakin'-cord-already! miserable.

How to deal with your raging hormones.

Bling. Flowers. Tulle. The three things that every little girl dreams of when she pictures her wedding day. What she doesn't consider is the stuff of nightmares: Overdrawn checking accounts. Drunk relatives. The seating chart that looks like a road map. In this book, Joanne Kimes and Elena Donovan Mauer expose the tedious (and often traumatic) tasks that really go into pulling off a wedding. From dealing with overbearing mothers-in-law and making time for their lovable, but clueless, fiancés to suffering through endless alterations and meetings with the con artists known as "vendors," there's a lot that you need to know. After all, a wedding is supposed to be something you look forward to—not something you have to endure before the honeymoon! Armed with Kimes' trademark, no-holds-barred humor, Donovan Mauer's bridal industry know-how, and copious amounts of wine, you'll get through the stress of planning your weddings with style, humor, and grace. Or, at the very least, without beating members of the wedding party with that $500 bouquet.

These days, Christmas lights adorn front porches before the Thanksgiving turkey is even in the oven. Plane tickets to visit hardly-missed relatives cost more than the suitcase full of presents people have to lug across the country. And radios everywhere play songs about that fat guy in a red suit on an endless loop. Yes, it’s official: Christmas Sucks. This title is a humorous look at America’s commercialization of the Christmas holiday season and the terrible travel, inordinate amount of preparation, and family strife that accompanies it. You can commiserate with the fact that everyone drives themselves into debt buying gifts, no one enjoys seeing long-lost relatives, and everyone is creeped out by the department store Santa. With twelve days of Christmas, there’s plenty of reasons why this is far from the most wonderful time of the year.

With the signature hilarity that has made the Sucks series a hit, Kimes and Laccinole tackle number one, number two, and all the accidents in between on the way to full-time underpants. Are you suffering through your kid's potty training because... -Your toddler has peed on your in-laws' carpet again? -Your best friend's kid is already trained (even though he's two months younger than yours)? -You're not allowed back at the community pool until your wee one is old enough to drive? If you have children, you're going to have to potty train them. At least there's a glimmer of hope. Amidst all the headaches (and heartaches), Potty Training Sucks is the only book that feels your pain. Veteran potty trainers Joanne Kimes and Kathleen Laccinole cover: potty training doo-doos and don'ts; handling accidents; the respective troubles of training boys and girls; and how to maintain your sanity through it all.

Expecting moms can count down the 280 days of their pregnancy with this delightful companion—complete with wise and witty advice and anecdotes from doctors, midwives, and other moms The average pregnancy lasts 280 days—and the suspense can be excruciating! The Pregnancy Countdown Book counts down the biggest milestones every step of the way, with one page of helpful information for each day of your pregnancy. Here are tips from doctors and mothers, amusing anecdotes and quotes, and all of the uncensored details that other books won’t tell you. 231 Days to Go: Your baby is now the size of a small blueberry. 209 Days to Go: Your baby's heartbeat is now audible. 124 Days to Go: Doctors recommend that you stop sleeping on your back. 91 Days to Go: The window for air travel is closing fast, so take that final vacation. 45 Days to Go: Better get started on that nursery. The perfect gift for expecting moms of all ages, The Pregnancy Countdown Book is a delightfully irreverent look at the craziest nine months of your life.