Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

A collection of the greatest witticisms from the world of politics, show business, sports, and anywhere else people can get a good laugh Here are a thousand and one laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There's something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue--from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,001 funniest things ever said: "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"--Christina Aguilera "Fame means when your computer modem is broken, the repair guy comes out to your house a little faster." --Sandra Bullock "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his." --Ronald Reagan

-"Tom [Cruise] has--we all have--the right to practice how we feel...don't judge someone until they have tossed your salad." --John Travolta -"I love Africa in general--South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries." --Paris Hilton -"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --George W. Bush -"My game is like the Pythagorean theorem: No one has an answer." --Shaquille O'Neal -"It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people." --Axl Rose From Muhammad Ali to Frank Zappa, everyone has said something idiotic at some point. Dim Wit presents the most hilarious verbal mishaps ever uttered by famous figures. Perfect for e-mailing to friends and family or giving yourself a laugh before bed, these adventures in Blunderland define "jaw-droppingly stupid."

The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

The Funny Things Friends Say This handy size journal has given you plenty of room to write down all the funny, amusing or moving quotes and sayings that you will love to record and remember your friends by. This beautifully made and bound notebook has a unique and amusing design with a blank page in-between to stop any ink bleed or impression damage. This also gives you extra room for your own comments, thoughts and memories. Product Description: 6"x.9" 112 pages Uniquely designed cover High quality, white paper Matte cover Check out our other great notebooks and journals, by clicking on the "Author Name" link just below the title of this journal. Other Ideas On Who Would Love This Notebook Best Friends Gift Anniversary Gift Wedding Gift Graduation Gift End of School Year Gift Ideal for Nurse Week Gift Thank You Nurse Gift Nurse Appreciation Gift Scroll up and Look Inside and then Click BUY NOW to get this great Notebook TODAY

This book profiles eighteen of our funniest elections, from 1828, the first election in which all states had electors, to the election from hell in 2000. The book also includes chapters on Watergate and impeachment, and a gallery of official photographs.

This collection of stories was written for only one purpose-to make you laugh! These stories are not aimed at your mind, but at your funny bone. They are not supposed to make you smarter or wiser, but might keep you from taking yourself and life too seriously. When enjoying these stories, you may venture into restaurants or churches, attend weddings or funerals, and spend some time in the Army. And you may meet people who did not intend to be funny, but did funny things. These stories should put a smile on your face, and a chuckle in your voice. And if you laugh out loud, that would be okay, too. Laughter is not only good for your health, but it also does wonders for your spirit and your soul.

Charles Osgood, one of America's favorite news personalities, offers a hilarious compendium of anecdotes from the last seventy years of presidential campaigns. With anecdotes from Harry Truman to JFK to George W. Bush, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the White House captures the wit and humor of the campaign trail. Culled from speeches, interviews, press conferences, as well as articles written by and about the candidates--no source is left untapped. From Bob Dole telling reporters after a loss in the primary that "I slept like a baby--every two hours I woke up and cried," and Barry Goldwater's comment that his talkative opponent Hubert Humphreys "has been clocked at 275 words a minute with gusts up to 340," to Adlai Stevenson declaring that "If I talk over the people's head, Ike must be talking under their feet," this is the go-to source for campaign humor. Just when America most needs a good laugh, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the White House makes the seemingly endless race to the presidency a lot more fun.

The funny thing about love is that just when you think you've got it sorted, it turns round and bites you on the behind. Which is exactly what's happened to Carmen Miller. Her ex husband's girlfriend is pregnant, her career as a comedy agent is going down the pan, she's made a fool of herself with fellow agent Will Hunter, a man she's fancied for ages, and to cap it all she has to move out of her flat. Surely things can't get any worse. Moving down to Brighton to write the TV comedy series that she's always dreamed about, Carmen meets the divine Daniel. A man so gorgeous, she doesn't even mind that he's got long hair. It seems that Carmen's life is on the up again. Until, that is... love bites again. Looks like Carmen's back where she started. But could it be that love isn't the problem? Maybe she's just been choosing the wrong men.