From the best-selling author of DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON! The pages are packed with Texas Bix Bender's no-nonsense outlook on life: "Don't get even--get over it." "Never miss a good chance to shut up." "Brace your backbone and forget your wishbone." "Take your 'take home pay' home." "Put off 'til tomorrow what you shouldn't be doing anyway."

You’ll never be at a loss for words again with this inspired collection of quotes, from bona fide wits to bona fide dimwits. Bob Hope once said, "I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance--waiting for the bathroom." No doubt, lots of people will be learning to tango and foxtrot while they wait for the rabid readers of Uncle John’s Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes to emerge from the privy. The Bathroom Readers’ Institute searched high and low for the wittiest, wisest and stupidest things ever said, and collected these remarks in one remarkable volume. With more than 4,000 quotations from 1,600 speakers and writers--from bona fide wits like Oscar Wilde and David Letterman, to bona fide dimwits like Britney Spears (who infamously quipped, "I go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.")--there’s no other book of quotations quite like this one.

Ahh…what a relief it will be to hold this most entertaining, informative, and amusing tome in the palm of your hands. Hours of great bathroom reading await you! Uncle John’s Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader, Uncle John’s all-new 15th edition, sheds a light on everything under the sun and over the moon. From obscure history to classic wordplay to dumb crooks to inspiring quotations, you never know what you’re going to read next! Where else could you learn how the banana peel changed history, how to predict the future by rolling the dice, how the Jivaro tribes shrunk heads, and the science behind love at first sight? Uncle John rules the world of information and humor, so get ready to be thoroughly entertained. Read all about… Homer the Greek versus Homer the Simpson The history of the bicycle When humans become hailstones Alternate definitions for common words Helen Keller’s wisdom The Silly Putty saga And much more!

The smartest and funniest quotations of all time, artfully arranged into witty—and surprising—categories. Every page will entertain, educate, and delight. Uncle John’s dedicated team of quotationeers have scoured the worlds of entertainment, history, literature, politics, sports, and more to bring you this unique collection of utterances that bear repeating. From silly to profound, from Aristotle to Mr. T, you’ll discover insights on such topics as love, sex, conspiracies, boredom, cheese, juggling, and the true meaning of belly-button lint. Here are but a few of the thousands of morsels awaiting you: “Weaseling out of things is good. It’s what separates us from the other animals . . . except the weasel.” —Homer Simpson “All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.” —Gordie Howe “In America, sex is an obsession. In other parts of the world, it’s a fact.” —Marlene Dietrich “With my sunglasses on, I’m Jack Nicholson. Without them, I’m fat and sixty.” —Jack Nicholson “It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘as pretty as an airport’ appear.” —Douglas Adams “If it’s called USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday? Bam! Busted!” —Stephen Colbert “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller

Beauty pageants, bad musicals, bizarre diseases, and more: it’s all covered in this collection of fascinating trivia and full-color pictures! It’s finally here: the book that Uncle John’s fans have been asking for: a full-color, illustrated edition featuring the most entertaining articles from the world’s bestselling bathroom trivia series! Hundreds of eye-popping photographs add a new dimension to Uncle John’s unique blend of trivia, humor, origins, history, science, and oddities. All the reader favorites are included—including dumb crooks, weird news, flubbed headlines, strange lawsuits, quirky quotations—and more. Now they pop off the pages like never before! So stimulate your visual cortexes as you read about . . . •Weird Beauty Pageants •40 Odd Uses for WD-40 •“Bagpiper’s Fungus” and other bizarre diseases •The Wild World of Weird Sports •The “putrified forest” at Tennessee’s Body Farm •The origins of Monopoly, the lava lamp, computer viruses, and B movies •World records that are so risky, Guinness won’t even report them •The all-time dumbest business decisions •Harrowing stories from history, including the 1906 San Francisco earthquake and the Pilgrims’ uncomfortable ride on the Mayflower •The Toxic Travel Guide •How to cook with roadkill, get your TV show on the air, and more •Whatever happened to Nikola Tesla’s death ray? •Real-life superheroes . . . and much, much more!

Join three beloved Harlequin Special Edition authors as they each bring their trademark warmth, emotion, and romance to the holiday all about food and family: Thanksgiving! Thankful for You All Nick Brand wants to see of Montana is a for-sale sign on his family’s in-dispute land. That’s before the fast-track Chicago lawyer meets the ranch hand who’s been hired to help clean up the property. Dallas Dalton can rope a steer, ace a barrel-racing competition…and lasso her way into one smitten bachelor’s heart. Raised on the rodeo circuit, Dallas lives to compete—while guarding against future heartbreak. Now she just wants to muss up Nick’s hair and show him how this Western woman is won! The refined attorney is a world away from the rough-and-tumble cowboys Dallas knows. Yet deep down, she and Nick desire the same thing. Is he ready to trade his Eastern view for the big sky with a cowgirl who’s through singing the blues? The Maverick’s Thanksgiving Baby Stop the presses! Can you believe there’s about to be another wedding in Rust Creek Falls? Yes, local cowboy Jesse Crawford is tying the knot with Maggie Roarke, that Hollywood lawyer who’s been flitting in and out of town for the past several months. Rumor has it their hasty nuptials might have something to do with Maggie’s brand-new baby bump… We’re all for one big happy family, but we’re a little puzzled by this pairing. Maggie and Jesse couldn’t be more different if they tried—are they really ready to saddle up for the long haul? Stay on the trail, faithful readers, and let’s see if their baby-to-be can bring this new family together for the holidays—and ever after! The Rancher’s Family Thanksgiving When her family decides to play matchmaker, Susie can think of only one man to help her run interference. Rancher and caring vet Tyler McCabe has always been there for her anytime she needed a broad shoulder to lean on…or a warm kiss to heat up a cold Texas night. But will pretending to be a couple ruin their friendship? Tyler isn’t sure about the idea either, but he can’t let Susie marry somebody else. Not when there’s a man right here in Laramie who loves her and plans to show her a Thanksgiving neither of them will forget….

To Save An Innocent Woman, She Must Break All The Rules Bounty hunter Jinx Ballou’s world is spiraling down the drain. Racked with grief and on a reckless, drunken bender, she has alienated herself from everyone she loves. Only when she’s hired to apprehend a fugitive who is a fellow transgender woman does she pull her act together. After learning her fugitive is being framed by a legal system hostile to trans women, Jinx joins the woman’s biker gang to prove her innocence. But doing so not only further jeopardizes Jinx’s flagging career, but puts her and the bikers in a desperate fight to the death with the actual killer. Can Jinx prove the woman's innocence while also salvaging what's left of her career? A Broken Woman is the third book in the Jinx Ballou Bounty Hunter crime thriller series. If you enjoy page-turning suspense, shocking plot twists, and crime novels where trans women are the heroes rather than the villains, you’ll love Dharma Kelleher’s exciting thrill-ride. Buy A Broken Woman and join Jinx on this thrill-a-minute ride through Arizona's mean streets and unforgiving desert. “Dharma Kelleher’s A Broken Woman delivers a high-octane, blood-pumping story of justice, any way it can be had. Jinx Ballou is three parts ticking explosive, one part tender protector of friends and all those who deserve better than what they’ve been handed.” – Lori Rader-Day, Anthony Award-winning author of The Day I Died “I love a book where crisis after crisis are thrown at the hero and you’ve got that in spades with the latest Jinx Ballou thriller, A Broken Woman.” – Simon Wood, USA TODAY Bestselling Author of The One That Got Away “Dharma Kelleher delivers bad-ass blue-collar crime fiction with a snappy sense of humor and a lot of heart. The struggles of Jinx Ballou as she works the periphery of the imperfect criminal justice system make for compelling reading and top-notch entertainment.” – Thomas Pluck, Anthony-finalist author of Bad Boy Boogie ” A Broken Woman comes swinging out the gates and Kelleher delivers in spades. Engrossing, taut, and kick-your-teeth-in exciting, A Broken Woman needs to be on top of your to-read pile.” – Angel Luis Colon author of Hell Chose Me

Susie Carrigan Needs a Man—Fast! When her family decides to play matchmaker, Susie can think of only one man to help her run interference. Rancher and caring vet Tyler McCabe has always been there for her anytime she needed a broad shoulder to lean on…or a warm kiss to heat up a cold Texas night. But will pretending to be a couple ruin their friendship? Tyler isn’t sure about the idea either, but he can’t let Susie marry somebody else. Not when there’s a man right here in Laramie who loves her and plans to show her a Thanksgiving neither of them will forget….

Start Your Own Off-Grid Homestead the Simple, Budget-Friendly Way If you’ve ever thought about creating your own family homestead but weren’t sure how to get started or if it were even possible, Stewart and Shannon Stonger have been there and can help guide your way. They left their home in the city and moved to an empty plot of land with hopes of building a more sustainable way of life. Their years of research, limited budget, creativity and pursuit of their dream produced effective solutions that have taken them step by step to an independent, debt-free and off-grid homestead. In this book, they share how they did it to help others take the first steps in achieving their simple life dreams. You’ll learn how to build inexpensive infrastructure, harness energy from the sun, manage an off-grid home, grow vegetables in tough conditions, preserve the harvest, build an earthbag root cellar, raise beginner’s livestock and so much more. These attainable, game-changing tips and projects have allowed Stewart and Shannon to live a simpler, more rewarding life with their children. If they can do it, so can you!