A mammoth collection of the funniest one-liners, jokes, and gags ever uttered"" ""Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people only once a year." --"Victor Borge""" ""When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws; only catapults." --Demetri Martin""" ""Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids." --""Homer Simpson""" ""Old McDonald was dyslexic, E-O-I-O-E." --""Billy Connolly""" ""A man in the house is worth two in the street." --""Mae West" From Groucho to Gervais--this is the ultimate collection of more than 1,000 of the world's funniest jokes, one-liners, and zingers from stand-up, film, and television. This book is filled with the funniest quotes from the greatest comedians, actors, and actresses ever to walk the Earth. Containing thousands of great observations and jokes, the variety in this book is incredible, and the uniting factor is simple: great, funny lines

The most important speeches of America's "Great Communicator": Here, in his own words, is the record of Ronald Reagan's remarkable political career and historic eight-year presidency.

'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

From the stage of the Grand Ole Opry to concert halls around the world, and on television's Hee Haw and Prime Time Country, Cousin Minnie Pearl entertained fans and friends with her stories about Grinder's Switch and her jokes. Now you can recall the best of them, such as . . . This week we decided we'd better take Brother up to Nashville and try to get him a job. So I took him to one of the places and the man said he'd give Brother a job. He said, "I can start you at thity dollars a week and in five years you'll get two hundred!" Brother said, "That's fine. I'll be back in five years!" Mr. Smith, a seventy-five-year-old multimillionaire, just married a young, beautiful eighteen-year-old girl. A friend asked, "How did you get an eighteen-year-old to marry you when you're seventy-five?" The man said, "I told her I was ninety-five!" Also included are memories of Minnie by . . . Porter Wagoner Ralph Emery Bill Anderson Johnny Russell Little Jimmy Dickens Jimmy C. Newman

Over 1,000 gags and groaners to make you crack up and cringe at the same time! From the creators of the popular humor website HowToBeADad.com, this is a collection of 1,000 of the most amusing—and most painful—Dad Jokes ever. Humor is often referred to as the best medicine, and this collection of Dad Jokes—guaranteed the most groan-and-forehead-slap-worthy on the market—offers a broad selection of humorous puns and quips. Organized by joke theme—from animals to holidays to technology—it includes more than a hundred illustrations, and even touches on some timely topics (“Because of the pandemic, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship. It’s on paperview.”)

The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like: The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.